Order!
by Shikyokage742
Summary: People gotta eat, and unfortunately shes open late. and Like most in Gotham she'll look out for numero uno. That usually means lying to save her life. But hey at least they tip... sometimes.
1. Chapter 1

Alexandria thought herself a smart but unlucky person. She pushed herself to earn a scholarship through culinary school, unlucky because she flunked out. Double shifts to pay rent and full time schooling causes a person to pass out one too many times and miss out on one too many classes. Smart because she was able to finagle a deal to buy an old restaurant on the cheap. Unlucky because it was a broken down diner on the border between the Narrows and Gotham City. Smart to at least live in a safeish part of the city, though it ate through a decent portion of her profits. Unlucky to be the only person to work in her run down little restaurant. Yes she was smart. But today she's unlucky. Very unlucky indeed.

* * *

9:06 pm.

Alexandria hated mopping. It always made her back ache for at least a few hours. And since she had no tub at home to bathe and relax in, she had to make do every night. Business was slow today. A breakout occurred at the Asylum last night. Not many details were released save for the fact the Rogue Gallery were the main escapees... again. Police advised all residents to stay home if possible. That, unluckily for her, was not an option, running a restaurant meant working six to seven days a week, and usually sixteen hour days. And Now it was almost time to wrap up, deposit some earnings, and head on home as safely as possible. Huffing, she dragged the mop and bucket to the back to don't down the rusted drain.

 _Ding!_

"I'm sorry we're closed!" Alexandria called out, hanging the mop to dry.

 _Ding! Ding!_

Alexandria flipped the bucket upside down over the drain.

"Come back tomorrow morning for breakfast!" Things were silent for a few minutes. With a sigh she began to make her way to the tiny office where her safe was.

 _DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!_

Whoever this jackass was they showed no signs of leaving.

"Alright! ALRIGHT!" Alexandria shouted making her way back to the front of her store. "STOP RINGING THA-"

Oh she was very unlucky indeed. He was still in the bright orange Arkham suit, but his face was painted, and his green hair was slicked back from sweat and small amounts of greasepaint. He was also squatting behind her counter ringing her order bell, with a giddy childlike grin on his face.

Well as childlike a psychopathic murderer could be, which surprising was quite a bit. He looked up at her, grinned an even wider smile,

"I love these things." The joker rang the bell again while Alexandria just stood in shock.

"What are you doing here?" Alexandria eyes flicked to the door, hoping to see flashing red and blue lights. The Joker looked at her like she was stupid.

"I'm ringing a bell, Toots. What are you doing?"

"I'm closing shop. Been a slow day because you broke out and I'm not wasting any more of my time." Alexandria cocked her hip, and crossed her arms, getting irritated at the reason her business lost money who now sat cross legged on the freshly mopped floor.

"Ooooooh I'm sorry, how about I make it up to ya." He pulled out what looked to be a comically large revolver and pointed it to her head. "I'll just make sure you won't have to explain to your boss-"

"I AM the boss."

"Well then you won't have to worry about paying your"

"I'm the only worker."

"Then you wont have to dust all your knick knacks"

"It's a restaurant." The Joker lowered the gun an inch and cocked his head and gave her a quizzical look.

"Then why the hell is it called Hodge-Podge?"

"I make whatever I feel like cooking that day." Alexandria shrugged.

"That's bad for business you know, not giving people options." The Joker lowered the gun further.

"They have the decision to walk out of the restaurant and pick something else." Alexandria glared at the confused painting of a face "And who are you to tell me how to run a business?"

"Wellll, I do run a gang, you know bossing underlings, making deals, killing people, sharing a laugh. I know what people want."

"I don't think people want to die."

"At least people work for me."

"Touche." They stared at each other for a few quiet tense moments, the Jokers gun no longer pointed at her head, but still in his hand. She was trying to think of some plea to keep her alive or gain his sympathy when suddenly...

"I want eggs." Joker stated decidedly.

"What?" Alexandria's tense body relaxed in confusion.

"And toast. You know? Where the egg is in the middle of the toast." Joker licked his lips and stared at her.

"No!" she gasped. "I'm not going to cook for someone who's going to kill me after the egg hits the pan."

"Awww, come on! I won't kill yeah I'm just starving!" Joker gave her what could be considered a puppy pout. "All the food is mushy and plain, no textured and unseasoned, and you know it's drugged. And not even the good kind!" then he did something surprising. He placed the gun down, slid it over to her feet, then put his hands together in a pleading gesture.

"Pleeeease?" Alexandria blinked in shock. Her eyes flicked back to the door, no lights, and no passerbys.

"I'll leave the gun out here..."

"Fine."

* * *

9:52pm

Unappetizing smacks and borderline sexual moans where spilling out from the lanky man sitting on her counter. Plate in hand and not bothering to use the fork she set out, the Joker demolished the 4 "Bulls-eye toast" she made. Plus three thick cuts ham steaks, a dozen scrambled eggs with cheese (pepper jack), onions (slightly caramelized), garlic (diced and added raw at the end), and 3 bottles of orange juice. Alexandria looked on in awe. He continued to ask for more food the minute she finished one plate.

Sighing in what seemed to content, he leaned back into a stretch his overstuffed stomach bulging as he did so.

"Damn Dollface, if I had known you could cook I would of escaped sooner." Joker looked over to her and gave her a wink. "Best damn food I've had in a while." Alexandria tightened the grip the spatula she was holding. She opened her mouth to ask him to leave and never come back (while hoping she would keep her life in the process) when...

 _Ding! Ding!_

"Hello? This is the police! Is anyone here?" Alexandria stiffened as the Joker lulled his head in the direction of the voice. He whispered,

"I didn't order bacon." he leered at her, but despite the situation, and despite the fact she looked ready to kill, she snickered. He cocked a brow and watched as she covered her mouth and brushed past him. He kept staring at her while grabbing the knife she used to chop onions earlier from behind him. She didn't seem to notice as she walked out the swinging door.

"Hello officer, I'm sorry but we're closed for the night." She kept a calm face, while hidden not even two feet away the Joker cocked a brow.

"I'm afraid this innit a lunch break, The Joker was seen in this area about an hour ago and we seemed to have lost him." Alexandria rolled her eyes.

"I'm not surprised." The cop bristled at he condescending tone.

"Ma'am we're questioning those in the area. Have you seen the Joker?" Alexandria closed her eyes for a moment.

"Can't say that I have. I've been cooking for the past hour and Didn't see anyone come in." She gestured to the door leading into the kitchen. "And with a place this small nothing can really get past me." The officer eyed her.

"No backdoor?"

"Has a loud ass alarm that can only but shut off in my office or if someone cuts the wire from the inside." Alexandria held up her spatula.

"I've got a catering order I need to deliver in twenty. You can flipped the sign to closed when you leave." She walked off leaving an irritated officer in her wake.

"Thank you for your cooperation _Ma'am._ " the officer sneered as he walked out. And he did as he was told, though he did slam the door. Alexandria walked into the kitchen, she didn't see the joker but, didn't move for a few minutes, waiting to make sure no other cops would walk in. She walked back out and locked the door, looking to make sure no one suspicious was lurking about. She rushed back to her kitchen.

"Hey!" she half whispered, "I cooked you dinner _and_ covered your ass from being arrested! Can I go?" she carefully made her way further back looking for any sign from her 'customer'. Her back door was wide open and so was her office door.

"Shit!" Fearful he found and robbed her safe, but releved she was alive she rushed in. the safe was intact. Looking to the back door, she noticed indeed the alarm system was cut. Alexandria moaned to herself, she spoon fed him that one. She closed the door and made sure it was locked. Walking to her tiny office she sat in the rickety chair and cradled her head in her hands. She survived the Joker! But he could always be back. She closed her office door with her foot in an effort to feel even a fraction safer when she noticed her knife sticking out of the door. A piece of paper pinned to eat.

 _Thanks for the grub, Dollface. Sorry to eat and run, but I got a business to run!_

 _Don't worry though I have a brilliant business plan for you, to pay for that meal._

 _And I don't always pay._

 _Keep an eye out and don't fix that alarm._

 _J._

Alexandria was smart and unlucky. She managed to save her life, even though she did technically break the law. Unluckily in the process she got herself into a whole mess of trouble with one of Gothams Most Wanted. And unbeknownst to her, it was only beginning. Gothams most wanted was a Hodge podge of strange and insane criminals.

And people gotta eat.

* * *

Joker made his way back to base. Stepping in his henchmen got to work, passing him a freshly pressed suit, updating him on all the deals that went well and those that went south. He changed as he walked to his office, sighing as her realized the belt felt a tad snugger than normal.

He leaned into his oversized plush chair thinking of his new friend. Thinking of his new friend got him thinking about his old friends. They, too, had to eat the same gruel as him in the looney bin. And like him they, too, escaped. But they didn't get the delicious meal he did. He didn't pay for a lot of thing but he did like paying visits to his friends. And friends like to eat food

And he knew just the place.

.

.

.

I feel confident about where this story will go. Just so you know, its mark hammills joker. And a few other villains will arrive. Its not meant to be a work of high mastery. Its just gonna be a fun work that hopefully gets me back into writing. There will be ooc, and plot holes, and possible mary sue-ness (though I hope to god I don't write it.)

love

S742


	2. Chapter 2

Alexandria thought herself to be quite good at planning ahead, she had to be when she ran a kitchen with no employees. That, however, did not extend outside of the kitchen. She never seemed to clear the plates off the tables in time for the snootier people, or take the orders quick enough for those on their lunch breaks, or the inevitable "I have 'ALLERGIES'" excuse. So to hopefully circumvent this particular problem she came up with the idea of a set daily menu. So here she was at 7am, standing in her rickety walk-in, with its leaking cooler, (a line of frozen water was steadily making its way down the wall), deciding what todays' menu would be.

 _Chicken noodle soup_.

(The broth was homemade and should defrost quickly. Delivery for produce should arrive shortly.)

 _Grilled cheese_.

(Always a good paring with soup.)

 _Strawberry walnut salad_.

(Again produce should show up soon.)

 _Salami/pastrami/mortadella sandwich. Hot or cold. With the fixin's_.

A fairly simple menu, but easy to fix up in differently to accommodate (in some degree) a persons taste, and help with the lack of planning ability outside of the kitchen. However, today she was going to be tested. And today she was going to fail.

But not in the way you'd expect...

* * *

7:46 AM

"That's the last o' it, Boss."

"It's all put away where it should be. Right?"

"Yeah. yeah. Last time they fucked up was last week. Ain't gonna happen again."

"And ALL of it is accounted for?"

"Triple checked it an' all."

"See you next week, Andre" Alexandria shook the giant of a mans hand, grinning as his hand completely enveloped her own. "its good to have you back." Andre beamed back at her, his blacked and missing teeth making for a near ghastly sight, yet the wrinkles around his eyes and the light in them seemed to balance it out.

"Last time I go on vacation, I tell ya." He dropped her hand and made it to the back door in three strides, all the while rumbling on and on, on how his son just can't seem to run a damn business. Alexandria shook her head and began prepping the fruit and veggies for the day.

* * *

11:52 AM

"This salad has too much dressing!" _Dump salad, weigh lettuce, half the dressi-_

"I need my soup to go, I'm running late." _Push bowl aside, grab togo cups, top shel-_

"Can I get another refill on my coffee!" _Grab togo cup, drizzle dressing, stack on forearm, grab coffee pot, flip second pots switch._

 _"_ Your salad, half dressing. Extra on side in case" _Slide bowl._

 _"_ Here's the to go cup." _Drop cup and lid next to right hand._ "Careful the lids are finicky this batch."

"I got another pot brewing if you need more." _Fill two inches below lip. They like creamer._

Alexandria went about clearing the last customers table, pocketing the two dollar tip, wiping down the booth and table with a sanitized rag, balancing the wobbling tray in left hand.

"Excuse me I've been waiting to order for 10 minutes now!" A rather crotchety looking man said huffing in the next booth. Alexandria turned to him and grinned.

"The sign on the door says to ring the bell on the counter. That's where you order."

"Well you're here now, waitress! I want sunny side eggs with bacon and toa-" Alexandria cut the man off.

"We have a set menu on the wall written in _very_ large letters in chalk. You pick from those and modify them if you want." She walked away picking up a cup a child dropped along the way. As she walked by the register she caught sight of a burly looking man wearing a green sweater about to ring the bell.

"I'll be right there." She slid through the door and dumped the dishes on a plastic flat before sliding them into the automated dish washer. (it was really the only thing that worked well here), slid her way to the stove and flipped three grilled cheeses before sliding the toast out from under the salamander with long tongs. She walked back out the sliding door to the Burly Man, just catching sight of the crotchety guy leaving.

"Hi! Menus up top." She pointed to the chalk board. "And I'll add or take away anything you want from the items but that's whats up for today." The burly man glanced up before shifting his gaze down.

"The salad and a pot of coffee."

"A pot? As in 12 cups?" At this the man nodded.

"Gonna need to give me 8 minutes on that one."

"I'll wait."

"Miss! My son dropped his grilled cheese. May we get another?" A family unit of three beckoned from a table near the left wall. Alexandria forced a smile.

"Yes, Ma'am give me one minute." she turned back to Mr. Burly. "$7.20" at this the man cocked a brow.

"The first two coffee refills are free, outside of that I'm losing money." The man pulled a $10 out of his pocket.

"Shrewd business lady." He said it matter-of-factly, a slight smirk on his face.

"Gotta make money somehow." She passed his change and all put ran through the door, getting to the grilled cheese just before it burnt.

* * *

1:13 PM

The last table cleared out, and Alexandria rushed the door, flipping the sign to closed before anyone else walked in. Today was busier than planned, but she handled it better then she ever dared thought. Rubbing her face in her hands she blindly made her back into the kitchen to do some cleaning. She only hit one chair along the way. She didn't however notice the burly man from earlier in the furthest booth pulling out a cell phone.

"Party is on boss." Laughter could be heard as he hung up, and began to draw the blinds to the restaurant closed. Alexandria was too busy with the noisy dishwasher to hear the backdoor open, and luck nor timing was on her side as she turned just in time for several people to sneak by her unnoticed. Just as she was stacking the last of the plates she heard it.

 _Ding!_

"Oh dear lord..." Alexandria hung her head.

 _Ding! Ding! DING!_

Alexandria walked towards the dining room about to tell whoever it was to come back in in one hour when she was ready for the dinner rush. But the people sitting in her booths stopped her in her tracks. And the gentleman ringing her bell once again grinned at her.

"Hey Dollface! I'm starving." Joker grinned and rang her bell again "I brought some of my best buds along!" he gestured a gloved hand to the group of Gothams worst. Poison Ivy was sitting next to Harley Quinn, who was giving Alexandria the stink eye. Riddler was sitting across from Mad Hatter, who was also seated next to a one Jonathan Crane, the latter two having their back to her. Mr. Burly was standing next to Joker with a nonchalant expression on his face.

"May I have you're attention PLEASE!" Joker turned on his heel while Alexandria began to step slowly backwards. " _Friends,_ this is... uh." Joker twisted his hand in Alexandria direction silent. Mr. Burly whispered lowly to her to state her name.

"Alexandria Fox." She muttered, hand nursing her head trying to stave off an impending headache. Joker beamed.

"Yeah this is Alex" Alexandria flinched at the nickname slightly. "She's gonna be cooking for our party."

"What party?" the chef looked to Joker.

"Our Freedom party! Normally we go to a fancier place owned by an old friend, buuuut you... Impressed me last night." Joker began to make his was over to Harley and Ivy. He took the bell with him.

"Oh joy, I feel so damn special." Alexandria rolled her eyes. "Get the hell out of my store." Joker seemed to have ignored her.

"Bob! Come here and sit! You're a friend, too. You get to eat!" Mr. Burly, now Mr. Bob went and sat at the table next to Joker, bypassing the seat next to Ivy. "Alex! I want more of those bull eye toast!" Harley stopped her glaring and looked at Joker happily.

"I'll get some, too, Puddin'"

"I'll have a fried liver." Riddler said not bother to make eye contact wither her.

"Time for tea!" Mad Hatter didn't look back either.

"Cobb Salad." Crane stated simply. Ivy gave him a glare.

"Awww, Johnny that's a girl dinner! Liven up it's a party."

"Actually the salad I had was quite good." Bob threw in.

"A glass of water." Ive said boredly. Alexandria began to shake.

"NO!" All eye were suddenly on her. Joker's large grin began to lower into a frown.

"What was that?"

"Fuck. No." Alexandria began to stalk towards Joker. "You come in here last night and DEMOLISHED my stock of eggs. Thank god I had a delivery this morning. You ruined my alarm system. Led the cops here! And let me tell you being this close the Narrows you don't want cops to give potential customers the wrong damn impression." Alexandria leaned forward and gripped the table. "You held me at gun point! You bring MORE Rouges here! You expect me to cook for them whatever the hell they want, and worst of all!" Alexandria pointed a finger at him.

"YOU DIDN'T PAY!" Alexandria pushed herself off the table and pointed at the chalk board. "THAT'S THE OPTIONS FOR TODAY! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET TO PICK FROM!" At this point Alexandria's chest was heaving, and her face began to pick up a red hue. Harley looked ready to kill her, while the other rouges looked at her with mixed expressions of shock, because she just yelled at the Joker, awe because she stood up to the Joker, and amusement, because she was more mad he didn't pay.

"Ahhh, you're right! I almost forgot!" Joker was grinning again. "Bob!" Said Bob stood up and pulled a paper bag from under the table. Opening the crinkled paper he held it in her direction. Inside was money. Lots of crisp, stacked and banded, money.

"That's should cover last night and today." Harley looked at Joker.

"But Puddin' Ya neva' pay for dinner!"

"That's just how good she is." Alexandria looked at the money, sweat beading down her temple.

"That's...alot." Bob closed the bag and left it one the table next to her. That much _would_ help her alot but at what cost?

"Look Toots, I run a business, You run a business, lets have a business meeting." Joker steepled his finger under his sharp chin, the other rouges looking on. "We, come here for eats, and you keep your mouth shut, you've proven you can do that. And in return, we watch your back because eventually Falcone's gonna try to squeeze ya for protection money. All you gotta do is keep cooking." Alexandria laughed, the Rouges looked at her like she was crazy.

"You think I'm gonna do that? Why are you so interested in this little shit hole."

"It's not nice to make fun of yourself. I could do that for you." Joker said.

"Maybe she afraid of you. Or getting caught by that cops." Crane inputted.

"She clearly isn't smart enough to see a good deal." Riddler huffed

"Tea time is nearly come and gone and I still don't have a clean cup!" Hatter mumbled despondently. Alexandria growled in frustration, flinging her hand in the air.

"None of you would hesitate in killing me! Or trying to use me in your schemes!"

"Yeah we would." Joker said giving Alexandria a reason to pause.

"Look Toots, yeah we're 'Crazy'" Joker used finger quotes. "But the thing is we do 'Normal' things too. Johnny boy goes to the library in disguise. Eddy likes to go to this toy shop that sells puzzle toys, Harley here goes lingerie shopping alllll the time." at this Harley smiled for being mentioned. "And we go out to eat on occasion but its always at one spot. That's... _boring!_ " Joker growled out the last word.

"You whoever are not boring." Joker leaned back, and Harley draped half her body on him. "You got Gotham fire in you. You stood up to me, well, all of us now, and that takes guts. It's... refreshing right boys?" at this the other Rouges murmured what sounded like an agreement. "You're not a push over. Just cook for us, Toots. Villains gotta eat too. We wont kill ya." He drew his fingers over his heart "Promise." Alexandria stared at him trying to find any reason to say no, but refusing to cook was a shitty reason to die.

"What if you get caught? I'm not going to jail for you're asses."

"We're here now and I don't hear sirens."

"I could rat you out."

"I saw the way you looked at that money, I'm sure the boys don't mind paying for their meals either." At this Alexandria heart skipped a minute. Money like that could help her more than they possibly knew.

"I don't want protection." Joker raised an eyebrow. "I want workers." Joker laughed.

"Alright. I'll send some of my henchmen over for an _interview."_ Alexandria held her hand out to which he grabbed and shook vigorously. Inhaling to settle her nerves and trying not to doubt herself anymore then she was.

"Okay, Liver gonna take about 20 to be done. It wasn't on the menu today so it's gotta defrost." she began to walk over to the three male rouges, "Cobb salad will take ten, gotta cook bacon and eggs, so be patient."

Both Riddler and Crane nodded. Alexandria looked at the Mad Hatter who was fiddling with a tea cup he must have brought in.

"Luckily for you I do enjoy a cuppa now and then. I have a few to choose from. I'll bring them out for you too choose, okay?" The Mad Hatter lifted his head to respond but hung his mouth open.

"Alice?" Riddler groaned and shook his head, while Crane turned to his friend.

"No Jervis, that's not Alice." Alexandria, now remembering part of the Hatter's madness for blondes, (which unluckily she was), began to make her way to the kitchen. Hoping Joker would keep good on his word.

"But she-" Jervis was cut off.

"T'was brillig in the-" Jonathan began to quote the rhyme as the door to her kitchen swung closed. Alexandria had not been planning on this. Not at all.

* * *

Well this is going along quicker than I expected. Sorry for typos but you know who it goes.

S742


	3. Chapter 3

Alexandria wasn't exactly a people person. Which is odd considering her line of chosen work. It's not that she didn't like people, it's just she always came off as callous when first meeting people, and with her signature "Fuck You" attitude (which lets be honest, all of Gotham's inhabitants had to one degree or another) making friends was hard to do. Or making good First impressions, and especially trying to hire employees. That was usually why most potential workers practically ran out of the interview. Well, that and the fact she wasn't making nearly enough money to actually pay people what the job was worth. But with the Jokers business arrangement that may just change. Alexandria was actually excited! Some good helping hands was just what she needed to run things more smoothly, and having anyone help was a blessing in her opinion.

...

Unfortunately she forgot a key reason why Goons are... well, Goons...

Sometimes they need a bit of direction.

* * *

7:08 AM

"Alright! Listen up." Three vacant eyed, stocky men stood before Alexandria in the back of the kitchen. They snuck in the same way it seemed her new 'clients' (she REFUSED to call them friends as the Joker did), through her alarmless backdoor.

"I need you to know that this here," she gestured widely around the room, "This is my lifes' work. My baby. My little piece of heaven in this Gods Forsaken pissant city. And I need you to work hard to keep this place running smoothly. One of you mans the dishes, one mans the front, one mans the prep station while I man the grills. Don't you dare fuck it up!" Alexandria began to pace along the line they made. Each one fidgeting as she eyed them down, feeling as if they were about to be interrogated.

"I need you guys to work your damned hardest today, it may not be busy, hell we may only get 20 customers today, but I don't want slacking off!" She turned sharply to face them again, causing the one on the left to gulp audibly. "If we don't have customers, then whoever is up front cleans, the one on prep, cleans, and the one on dishes, well just keep cleaning." Alexandria smiled at her little joke, while the three before her gave what could only be described as a tight wince and nodded.

"This place is to be respected more than you do your lives!"

"So, let me show you around, and put you where you need to be."

* * *

"AAAAAAHHHH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Gary, goon number one, was cradling his hand as the knife dropped to the floor. Marcus, goon number two, rushed to grab said utensil to wash up before New Boss got even more mad, but ended up slipping on a small puddle and whacking his head on the metal counter that held a precarious stack of plates. Kyle, goon three, burst through the doors, forgetting all about the register he left open to the world, ran to help his fallen comrades. Alexandria felt a migraine coming along quite nicely. Dropping the spatula she was holding, she stepped aside Kyle, out the kitchen door, closed the register, walked to the door and flipped the sign to closed. The only five customers in her diner eyed her apprehensively.

"I'm sorry folks," Alexandria said calmly, through gritted teeth, "But my new employees seem to be having a rather bad day." One snorted at the obvious observation.

"I would ask if you would please leave the premises before one of them decides to set the place on fire." Some nodded, seeing her red face and deciding arguing was not wise. Alexandria passed out to go boxes, though she did notice a few people left without their meals. Rubbing her temples she slowly made her way to her office, completely ignoring Marcus, who looked even more vacant then their first meeting and Kyle who was bandaging up Gary's hand.

Sitting in her creaking chair, Alexandria closed her eyes and began to rub at her temple in a more rapid pattern, pulling the hair along her scalp in the process, which was just adding fuel to the fire.

"Say my name, and I will always disappear. What am I?" Alexandria opened her eyes, then settled on a glare at the green clad man in her doorway.

"Riddler." The green man in front of her tutted as he leaned against the door frame, cane grasped between his hands.

"No, no, the answer was silence." He chanced a glance at the goon sitting on the floor nursing their respective wounds. "And with Jokers' men around, that is something you won't have." Alexandria snorted in annoyance, her expression loosening.

"I knew it was too good to be true." She opened a drawer, grabbing at the bottle of aspirin that rolled to the back, and swallowed two pills dry.

"Yes, well, goons are very rarely intelligent, _especially_ those who work for Joker." The Riddler began to rock his cane back and forth in front of him, the signature question mark glinting faintly in the light. "Though it seems to weren't bright enough to think ahead in that regard." he commented so offhandedly, that Alexandria almost missed the dig towards her. Her glare came back full force.

"Excuse me for thinking that they'd at least be competent in a kitchen."

"You are excused." Riddler raised a hand and shrugged his shoulder, whilst Alexandria clenched her fists tight.

"Hey! Most criminals can only get jobs as cooks after getting out of jail!" Alexandria's voice raised an octave "I was justified in thinking these goon would be no different."

"Yes, yes, the lowly criminals settling on manual labor and cookery jobs is the usual norm, but this is _Gotham,_ not all criminals work for Rouges." The Riddler leveled an indignant glare, "Though I'm sure that too didn't cross your mind."

"Stop insulting me in my own god damn office." Riddler eyed the dimly lit and cluttered space.

"And why should I? You're nothing more than a drop out with a ridiculous dream and a deal that could very well backfire if one of us gets bored."

"Joker sai-"

"Joker is not one to be trusted no matter what he shakes on, he is chaos incarnate and will follow his whims where ever they may lead him" He leaned down to her eye level "You'd best try and remember that in your pea sized"

 ** _THUMP!_**

The Riddler didn't see the fist directed at his jaw, and was unable to catch his balance to catch his fall as he fell to his side, cane dropping to the ground, hat flying off his head.

"DON'T YOU _DARE_ COME IN MY HOUSE AND INSULT ME!" Alexandria reached down and hauled the Riddler back up by his lapels "Tell me smarty pants, at what temperature does an egg cook?" Riddler spat some blood on the floor

"158 degrees."

"Wrong! The whites start to cook between 144 and 149 degrees, the yolk between 149 and 158 degrees Fahrenheit." Riddlers eyes widened a bit, as Alexandria pulled him closer.

"What is the correct amount of sanitizer?"

"Well I'd assume-"

"Between 50 to 100 part per million, and change every 4 hours if bleach based. How long can baked goods be stored, by food safety laws, before shelf life expires, if freshly baked?"

"I don't see how-"

"Three days, so long as the are wrapped air tight. What is the name of the chemical process of cooking?"

"...I-"

"Maillard!" She shoved him back and he hit the desk with a light thump. Alexandria was heaving as she kicked his cane away, her three goons were peaking around the corner clambered to grab it.

"You wanna come in my house and insult me, after I agree to cook for your ungrateful ass ain't gonna fly!" Riddler visibly winced at her vernacular. She grabbed hold of his collar and led him to the kitchen.

"Larry!"

"Yes Ma'am!" Gary scuttled forward as Kyle gripped Riddlers cane nervously.

"Call Joker, and tell him lunch is served." Alexandria eyed The Riddler darkly as she walked him to the prep station. "And Marcus close the blinds would you." Marcus ran to the front of the house, ignoring the bloodrush his head got.

"What on earth are you doing, _unhand_ me! This suit is worth more than your filthy restau-"

 ** _THUMP! THUMP!_**

"STOP INSULTING ME AND MY FUCKING RESTAURANT! KYLE! HOLD HIS ASS DOWN!" Alexandria grabbed an apron and tugged the suit jacket roughly off her new captive...

* * *

" _ **HA! HAAA-HAHAHAHA-HAAA! OOOH-HA! OOH-HAHA-HAAHAHA!**_ " Joker began to wheeze uncontrollably and Harley whacked his back in an effort to help his lungs. Dr. Crane adjusted his glasses, using his hand to hide his smug smirk. Kyle was pouring the Mad Hatter a cup of tea as he eyed Alexandria vehemently.

"Ooooh!" _wheeeze "_ This is too good! Ha!" _wheeze "_ Hahaha!" He panted a little, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes.

"I didn' know Eddie could cook!" Harly grinned before looking over at Alexandria. "How'd ya do it?"

"I don't know what this button does," Alexandria didn't take her eye off the Riddler, or her hands off his cane. "But he seems reeeeal nervous that I'm touching it."

The Riddler stood fuming in the kitchen, stains covering the apron, his vest and arms (the latter two much to his dismay.) as he continued to cook plate after plate, meal after meal.

"This is so insulting! To think that I-" he dropped the spoon and turned to his captor.

"HEY! That's risotto!, you don't stop fucking stirring!" Alexandria leaned a bit closer, thumb lightly pressing the tiny gold nub. Riddler saw that slight movement and began stirring faster. "Too fast! The rice wont cook evenly if you do that!"

Joker and his friends began to pile their plates, and watched the show continue.

* * *

"Did you find out what you needed?"

"She's not the most driven outside of her work." Riddler picked at his nails, trying to remove dried dough from under his thumb.

"I could have told you that." as the two walked down a secluded ally, trenchcoats and wide brimmed fedoras in place to hide themselves from rain and possible enemies, they tried not to raise their voices too high.

"She is quite... intense about her work." Riddler rubbed his jaw.

"I didn't ask that. I asked if you found what you were looking for."

"No... but I intend to." Riddler eyed his compatriot. "And you? Are you going to along with this? It doesn't seem like your usual cup of tea."

"Tea is the Hatters bag. I want to know why she isn't afraid of us." Dr. Crane furrowed his brow. "Everyone should... _ **fear us...**_ " Riddler shrugged as he parted ways with Dr. Crane. Leaving the self professed Master of Fear to plot his next move.

* * *

Well... yeah, I think this went well.


	4. Chapter 4

_**First off, thank you SummerRuby, Alucard1563, The-Raving-Chesire-Cat, and Anna10473 for your reviews. I didn't think this would garner attention like that you have given it, so thank you for your time.**_

* * *

Alexandria was never one to conform. She was comfortable in her skin, and never felt the need to dress up (though she did, in the past, to make a good impression during interviews in her early years). And when she found the love of her life, he neither faulted her for her attitude, nor her apathetic views on dressing up. That's what made her love him. Not once in her life did she really ever feel the need to change how she looked to appease those around her.

Though she didn't have eyes on her then like she does now.

* * *

4:56 pm

Work went smoother this week than last. After Riddler's lesson in high cuisine, and social interactions, Alexandria took the time to sit down with her newest employees to figure out a better solution. Gary, though a terrible prep linemen, was one of Joker's heist thugs, so her knew a thing or two about money. He was sent up front to work the register and clear tables. Marcus, who worked on a few of Jokers' toxins (though if you where to ask she didn't know), was stationed next to her on grill and oven. He even took the liberty of coming in early to make pastries to sell, though he did get a scolding on asking first, deliveries were only once a week you know. Kyle was a grunt, as he put it, used to doing menial labor for the joker so he happily took the dish duty.

What really made her week was Bob. See Bob was asked by the Joker, though he never told Alexandria this, to help her out a bit. So he spread the word. Goons and hoodlums from across the narrows and from different gangs heard rumors of a little broken down diner that dished out eats for a decent price, all you had to do was say a certain friend sent you. (Though it was implied if you cause trouble you'd never do it again.) At first Alexandria was confused, but the thought of figuring out who it was dissolved as more and more people came in hour after hour. Today was the slowest day she had all week.

"Boy, I don't know how we did it!" Kyle, Gary, and Marcus looked up from their respective duties and sheepishly grinned at New Boss. She was smiling, though she ran her hand though her long blonde locks to hide that fact. "You guys killed it today, this week." She pulled three envelopes out of her back pocket and held them outstretched before her.

"Think of this as a thank you. It's not much, yet, but if business keeps up then it might just be." Her goons- employees- took the envelopes and peeked inside. Cash.

"Thanks, Boss!"

"Chef." Alexandria corrected. All three men echoed her statement. "Now get the heel back to work." All three smirked before going about their tasks. She actually trusted them to take care of things while she did her delivery orders. As she stepped into her office she was greeted by a mad grin, and a rather large top hat.

"Hello, My Dear!" the Mad Hatter bowed before her, "It's time for tea!"

* * *

5:10 pm

After switching the sign to closed, and drawing the blinds shut, Alexandria found herself seated, uncomfortably, across from the Mad Hatter. He still had that smile, which exposed his overbite, and was staring intently at her while waiting for the tea to brew.

"I am quite sorry that I was almost late, but you wouldn't believe what the flowers had to say!" Alexandria merely nodded, not knowing what to say to the strange man before her. "The blasted Jabberwocky was out and about too, but I evaded him!" Marcus walked through the door with a kettle and little biscuits on a platter.

"I'm sorry, who?" Hatters smile dipped.

"The Batman, of course."

"WHAT?!" Alexandria rushed to her feet causing the Hatter to flinch back. "You could of led him here!" Marcus, wisely, made his way back to the kitchen.

"Oh, Alice! He could never find his way to the rabbit hole." Hatter reached forward and patted her hand in an attempt to soothe her rage. Alexandria drew back.

"My name is Alexandria!" Hatter cocked his head.

"Of course it isn't, Dear! Even Joker introduced you as Alice." The Hatter's eye glazed slightly as he stood, "Though I'd never need one for you my Dear. You've been been away from wonderland for so very long." He reached forward and grabbed a lock of her hair, running it between his fingers. Alexandria slapped his hand away.

"He said Alex! I don't even like that name!" Hatter's face dipped lowly.

"My, my Alice your time on the upper world has made you quite temperamental!" Hatter poured hot water into a cup, not even looking away from her eyes. "Here, have a cuppa."

"My name is Alexandria."

"And forgetful too." Hatter tisked, offering the now steaming cup.

"I don't like rose hip." the mad man blinked.

"Sorry?"

"I don't like rose hip tea. It tastes like perfume to me."

"But we used to-"

"WE never did anything. This is our first tea time and you are scaring me."

"Alice? Afraid? Has Time gone backwards on me? I could swear-" Alexandria took the cup and set it down as the Hatter mumbled to himself about time and punishments. The man was obviously in one of his Wonderland delusions. It brought her an idea.

"Hello Sir, my name is Alexandria Dawn Fox. I like to cook and enjoy Irish Breakfast tea and Goji Pomegranate." Hatter blinked up at her offered hand.

"Goji pomegranate?"

"Only if it's iced."

"That's absurd! Tea should be served hot with cakes and biscuits!"

"Have you ever tried it?"

"Well no, I suppose I haven't."

* * *

5:52 pm

"I still say it's much better hot."

"Yes well I prefer a cool beverage after working in a hot kitchen for hours on end." Hatter seemed to be in a more realistic mind frame after their 'introduction' "My fiance was the one with the penchant for hot drinks."

"He seems like a chipper sort." Hatter remarked, sipping on his hot Goji tea.

"Yeah, he was." iced clinked as she chugged. "He really was. I'm sad to say though I need to get ready for the dinner rush." Both of the tables occupants stood.

"This was a lovely visit, I hope you don't mind if I return tomorrow." Alexandria thought a moment.

"Yeah, that'd be fine. Plus my boys need a break after how busy it's been." The two shook hands.

"I look forward to it, Alice."

"I will dye my hair blue."

"Alex." Alexandria sighed.

"That's the best I'm gonna get, huh?" Hatter nodded with a grin. "Well what's your name then?" Hatter blinked.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Your name."

"Well, I- you see-...Why?" A suspicious look crossed his eyes. the newly dubbed Alex shrugged.

"I just wanted to know." Silence fell between the two before,

"I do wish to apologize for my mistaking you as my Alice, I give you my sincerest apologies, and offer my name in return." The Mad Hatter removed his namesake and dropped to a deep bow. "My name is Jervis Tetch. Please do not take it lightly."

* * *

 **Not as long as the others but fun. I need your opinions. Who should stop by next? Joker or someone new?**


	5. Chapter 5

Alexandria knew working in a restuarant business meant having competion, especially working in a big city like Gotham. She considered herself somewhat lucky to get a place further from the citys' central, even if it meant a broken down dinner in the narrows. She may not be the busiest place but she did have a decent inflow of money and people. What she never considered was that there was some else in a similar situation, and didn't like competition.

* * *

7:18 am

Delivery went by smoothly. Especially with her new hired hands. Marcus and Alexandria were sitting with a cup of coffee each, going over a new and larger menu. Marcus suggested more baked good, and offered to come in early to bake them for the day. Alexandria agreed to try it for the next week. She pondered aloud if pasta dishes would hit the mark, to which Marcus reminded her of the local mobs being Italian. She scrapped the idea, on account that she had enough unsavory people to deal with as it was. As the dynamic duo continue their planning, a gust if cold wind blew through the diners front door signaling a new arrival.

"I'm sorry but we"re opening late today, stop by in an hour." Alexandria didn't bother to look up from her new menu board, anD didn't notice how Marcus stiffened up.

"When I heard there was a new nest out there, I _never_ expected them to flock someplace like...here." Alexandria blanched at the obvious insult. Tyurning to the British speaker ready to defend but stopped short. Flanked by two large men in suits stood Oswald Cobblepot, his crisp tuxedo not faltering his girth but still making him imposing despite his lack of height.

"I'm sorry to dissapoint you. If you don't like it get the hell out." Alexandria clenched a fist as he eyed her up and down.

"Well aren't you a pretty bird. Tell me what's your name."

"Fox. Why are you here?"

"I noticed profits beginning to drop. And our mutual friends didn't come to celebrate after their...parole." Alexandria snorted at the term, "when I heard rumors fluttering around I sent a mockingbird to search this place out." The Penguin eyed the room,

"He was impressed."

"And you're obviously not."

"I'm a business man, competion is not to be taken lightly. I have a good following with the upper echelon of the criminal world, and even their underlings." Cobblepot stepped foward while his bodyguards stood their ground. "While my lesser known nesting ground is for the underlings of said Echelon, I still don't like losses. You are apart of these losses."

"So what? I can't help if they come here."

"Oh I think you can. Tell me how'd you get the Joker of all people on your side?"

"I have no fucking clue." Cobblepot glared.

"With an attitude like that I have some idea, Blue Jay."

"Blue Jay?"

"Loud twittering and territorial."

"Thank you."

"I didn't mean it as a compliment."

"I know." Cobblepot snorted.

"Tell me, how much is he paying you."

"I'm not at liberty to discuss such dealings." Alexandria frowned as the Penguin began to cackle.

"I see why he likes you. How much?"

"Like I said I'm not tell-"

"For this restuarant." Alexandria's face reddened in slight anger.

"What?"

"Not a bright bird. Like I said I don't like competion." He pulled a checkbook from his inner pocket. "Ill buy this place off your hands, and if you'd like you can still manage it, just know all incoming Wil be handled by me." It was a statement, proven by the fact he was already filling out a cheque.

"No!"

"Sorry?" He steeled a glare on her red face.

"You can't buy this place."

"Come now, a run down place frequented by the scum of the world, you don't seem like a person who wants that."

"And yet you do."

"I used to run in that world, I know what it's like. It's not long until they turn on you, the police strut in with a warrent, or some...other incident happens."

"Is that a threat?"

"If that's how you want to take it." Alexandria crossed her arms.

"I'm not selling."

"I can pay you double what ever they are giving you."

"I will call the cops."

"Go ahead, I'm doing nothing illegal."

"Here." Alexandria added the adendum. Cobblepot lowered his head in a threatenning stance.

"You're being quite difficult."

"And you are insulting me, and my life's work." Alexandria stood, her 5'5" frame nearly towering his. "If you want your _profits_ back, make a better product. You can start now." She pointed towards the door.

"You'll want to get out eventually, I hope for your sake it's not too late." Cobblepot turned and left, his bodyguards in tow. Alexandria huffed, glaring at his receding figure. Marcus was gaping at the balls his Boss had, as Gary and Kyle stared through the window form the kitchen.

"Marcus."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Start learning how to make noodles and wine red sauces." Alexandria smriked. "We have a new clientele to win." Her goons gulped.

* * *

 **Not as long as the others but I'm technically at work. Hope you enjoy.**


	6. Chapter 6

The Joker liked to have fun with his work, but work is only fun when he had someone to play with. Like... Commissioner Gordon, or Batsie. But Johnny was getting all the attention. He didn't like being ignored.

"OOOOH PUDDIN!" Joker huffed loudly, most people were ignoring him. He stood up from his cluttered desk and without a second though jumped out the window. He know one person who wouldn't ignore him... or smother him in spandex.

* * *

4:16 AM

"We're gonna need to start putting out advertisements." Marcus suggested, wrapping his coat around his neck tighter. Gary and Kyle were trailing behind Alexandria and Marcus grunting in agreement with their unspoken second in command, sipping heavily from their large coffees. "We have a few people I know in the mob coming here but they aren't apart of the Family proper. If we get to them, we can get to the Penguin."

Alexandria was surprised, albeit pleasantly to find Marcus had some brains to him beyond chemicals and cookies, and a distaste towards to "Short, Round, and Birdbrained".

"I'm sure word will spread enough. We're getting a following we just need to back it. I was going over some old cook books and found some good Italian recipes." Alexandria pulled her key out of her pocket. It was early morning and they weren't going to be opened today. They had a lot of work to do if they were to set their plan in motion. Unlocking the door she couldn't help but drop her coffee, the warm liquids splashing her legs as the lid busted off.

All her tables were pushed to the center, tarps haphazardly strewn about. The smell of paint wafted around in the cool breeze, as a clash of colours were slapped on walls, floors, and the kitchen swing door. Smiling faces and cartoonish batmans in various scenes of... humiliation littered the large Rorschach. And right in the center... The Joker.

"Heeeey Dollface! It's been a while." The Joker spread his arms wide. "I brought a gift." Alexandria walked in, stunned. The boys walked in before closing the door and, wisely, locking it.

"What?...You..."

"I know, your in shock of my generosity!" The Joker but on an over dramatic face, the back of his hand resting on his forehead, "But I do what I can for my... _Friends."_ Gary and Kyle muttered a greeting before retreating to the kitchen, starting _both_ pots of coffee.

"Why?" Alexandria slumped in booth, staring at a picture of the Batman hanging upside down over a tank of... fish? The Joker frowned.

"It's a gift." he walked over to her in two steps using his finger to push her face into a forced smile. "I thought sprucing up the place would be a good idea. Marco, it's a good idea right?" Marcus stood at attention.

"Actually, yeah."

"See!"

"WHAT?!"

"Boss, let's be honest the foods great but the look is..." he faltered at the glare from Alexandria, "Not what the mob is used to."

"The Mob?" The Joker grinned widely and slowly turned his head back to Alexandria. "Oh Alex you've been keeping secrets." His grin darkened with a chuckle

" _Friends don't keep secrets."_ Alexendria sighed, before running over the Penguins visit and subsequent plan. Gary scuttled out with three cups of coffee before slinking back to the kitchen. The Joker was having a riot.

"HAHAHAHA! You..." snort. "You want to push Waldo outta business!" The wheezing started. "I," snort. "I knew you were, HeeHEEHEEE, crazy!" Alexandria glared over the lip of her cup.

"I'm... not crazy. I'm mad."

"Don't be mad! HAHAHA!" Joker wiped an eye, reaching for the creamer blindly but grabbing the salt, he began pouring it in his coffee. "It's a brilliant idea."

"You really think so, huh?" she glanced at Marcus, "Then we know it's crazy."

"Alex, Alex, Alex," She winced at each word. "I may be _'CRAZY'_ but there is one thing you should know by now. My plans are just _crazy_ enough to work."

And with that Alexandria only had one thought as The Joker drank his salty coffee without flinching or caring.

There's not enough paint to cover up this mess...

* * *

5:15 AM

"You're suit has been laid out, but I highly suggest you get some rest, Sir."

"Thank you Alfred but not tonight." Bruce grinned weakly at his joke.

"Any clues as to The Jokers' whereabouts?" Alfred watched as Bruce sat at his desk logging into his secure Bat-Network.

"No, but sources say he's been frequenting the Narrows. I haven't been able to follow any leads, with Scarecrow and Killer Croc causing trouble it's been..."

"Tiresome, Sir?"

"You're not going to drop it are you?"

"No, Sir. Someone needs to look out for you're health, heaven knows you don't...Sir." Bruce chuckled as he slipped off his cowl.

"Only a short nap."

"Of course, Master Bruce." Though truth be told, Alfred was going to be very busy, he just might lose track of time... for a few hours.

Both men left the Batcave, both ready for a new day.

* * *

okay...so holy hell... I did not think this would garner so much attention. Thank you all so much for your reviews, some of the best I've ever received. Updates will be slow as I am currently looking for a new place to live, but hey, I have tons of ideas. Thank you all so much!


	7. Chapter 7

Harley Quinn...

Was _Pissed._

* * *

 _2 Weeks._

 ** _2 WEEKS!_**

Alexandria had to deal with Joker for two weeks "Fixing" her store up. Repainting, refurbishing, and redecorating. That didn't sound so bad when she thought of it, but when you had to watch your lifes' work torn down with a comically large red hammer, all the furniture you scrimped and saved for being hauled out to a wood chipper who knows where. She honestly didn't know. After walking in one morning to see her restaurant in shambles she gave the key to Marcus and walked away.

It was too hard. She spent two weeks in her apartment ignoring the messages on her phone (how the Joker got her number she'll never know) on what her restaurant should look like. (Jervis also left a few messages about tea time.) She just couldn't handle it. Two weeks she'd been living off of dollar booze and cup ramen. Unfortunately one night she had a bit too much to drink, and woke up stiff with a horrid migraine.

"Good Mornin' _, Sunshine!_ " The high pitch sneer did not help the pounding in her head. Opening her eyes Alexandria saw red and black and blonde. And Angry.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Steaming coffee was sitting on the table in front of Alexandria, she couldn't reach it due to the tight ropes wrapped around her and the chair. Harley dropped a straw in her mug before taking the seat across from her. She glared at Alexandria before,

"Why'dya steal my Puddin'?" Alexandria blinked.

"I didn't steal him." Harley slammed her hand on the table before pulling a revolver from behind her and aiming it at Alexandria's head.

"LIAR! HE HASN'T TALKED TO ME IN WEEKS!" The screaming cracked as Harley blinked back tears.

"I DIDN'T steal him, Harley! I don't have ANY control over him. He's destroying my baby!" Alexandria suddenly had tears in her eyes too.

"Then why won't he talk to me? I saw all the messages he left you!" Harley was waving the gun around in rage. "Why are you so special?!"

"Harley."

"I was there for him in the slammer!"

"Harley!"

"I was there for all the schemes and secrets!"

"HARLEY!"

"I want him back!"

"YOU CAN HAVE HIM!" Alexandria struggled against her bonds. "He's destroying my baby and I can't stop him! You can take him and everything he's ruined and leave!" at this point tears were falling from her face.

"Your baby?" Alexandria hung her head.

"Can you keep a secret?" Harley stood still, contemplating.

"Doctor Quinn is in."

* * *

"You left, jus like that?"

"I couldn't just stay there anymore. We spent so much time and energy and... _love_ into that beautiful spot that... to see it empty-" Alexandria hung her head in her hands, finally letting the tears fall. Harley rubbed her back soothingly in circles.

"I moved to Gotham that night. Broke all ties, went to school, bought Hodge-Podge, pushed myself to make our dream again and Joker destroyed it!"

"Aw, Sunshine! Puddin' means well, you are a friend afta all! Maybe if ya told him what ya told me he'd lay off." Alexandria sniffed.

"What's with this whole _freind_ thing anyway?"

"Wellll, Dr. Leland thought maybe Mr. Jay was so cranky cause he 'isolated' himself, had no friends! When he tried ta prove otherwise Doc wouldn't believe him." Harley shrugged. "He's just tryin to prove a point."

"So I'm a point to be made. That doesn't scare me at all." Alexandria sighed, sarcasm dripping from her voice in spades.

"Aw, don't be like that! If there one thing I know about my Puddin' is when he does somethin', he goes whole hog!" Harley through an arm around Alexandria, jovially. "You're a friend now!"

 _Riiiiing Riiiiing Riiiiiing!_

"That's probal-"

"MR. JAY!"

"him..."

"Yer in biiiiig trouble Mister! How could ya leave me all alone and worried and scared an-...REALLY?! Oh Puddin' I knew you needed me! I'll be right over!" Harley slammed the the phone and rushed to the window.

"Hey Sunshine,"

"Yeah?"

"No need ta thank me!" And with that Miss Quinn disappeared into the night.

* * *

Harley Quinn was excited. Now that she knew Sunshine wasn't trying to steal her beloved she knew just what to do to apologize for almost killing her friend. and It involved a field trip out of Gotham.

To Metropolis.

* * *

Thanks to my muse _(That's you Hedgehog)_ I have tons of good ideas. The next few chapters will be a character development arc on Alex. I'm sure some of you are curious as to who she is?


	8. Update

Yes I'm Alive!

Yes Im currently working on the next chapter.

Yes it will be posted this week.

Then ya'll have to wait a bit.

I'm seeing family for the first time in three years.

The other half for the first time in TEN years.

I'mma happy little camper.

s742


	9. Chapter 9

To Morfot - I tried to do a decent blend of the current cinematic Jokers we've had (i.e. Caesar, Jack, Mark, ect. ect.). It's really the only way I can think to write a Joker that won't kill immediately but still be fun and unhinged

After three weeks, Alexandria got the call. Joker was done with his remodeling and it was time to see the results, or the damage. Marcus stopped by her apartment, (honestly she just stopped questioning how everyone was getting her information) with coffee and clean clothes. Harley sent the clothes thinking Alexandria sulking also interfered with her usual chores. The ex-doctor was right, the only thing left clean was a sock with no pair and a hand towel. After a shower and a shot of cheap vodka to steel her nerves, Marcus led her to an awaiting car and blindfold. Sighing, Alexandria covered her eyes and waited.

* * *

Marcus was not a sympathetic man. He had killed for Joker, and before that killed again. He created batch after batch of drugs and laughing gas, and stole countless times before. He was an amoral man with no regard to others. But Lady Boss was...not different, she fit the description of most Gothamites. Cold, uncaring, self-centered to a degree. However unlike most Gothamites she didn't pretend to be anything else but loud, and angry, and brash. It was a relief to see someone true to themselves in this art-deco hell on earth.

Now she was sitting shotgun, quiet, hands folded in her lap, head hung limp. Like she was being led to her beheading.

He hoped Joker Boss did a good job. For her sake.

* * *

Joker and Harley were positively beaming. The last chair rolled in, paint dried and the acrid smell gone. Blinds closed and party hats in place. They were ready.

* * *

The car rolled to a stop. Marcus made his way to Alexandria's door and led her firmly out and to the street. Blindfold still on, she could hear the city traffic and footsteps all around her. Elbow in Marcus's hand, she was led forward, a tiny bell signaling a door opening. It felt warmer in here, as the sounds of the city cut short from the door closing with another ring. Marcus had let her go and Alexandria waited anxiously. Joker sniggered at her twitchy hands.

"And now I, the Clown Prince of Gotham, _gleefully_ announce the official reopening Hodge-Podge!" Alexandria jumped as the blindfold was ripped from her head and squinted at the bright neon lights. Joker started giggling madly as Harley squealed in delight. Eyes finally adjusted to the buzzing glow of the green neon, Alexandria surveyed her surroundings in awe.

No table matched one another, every chair different in design from the last. A beat up juke-box lit cheerfully in the corner. Grey walls splatted in paint. Posters of Tomm Waits, Harry Potter nose to 'nose' with Voldemort, Loki in battle armour, anime memorabilia littered the walls. The floor a cacophony of tiles. A Victorian Chandelier in one corner, neon lights in another, colourful sconces opposite of that. Alexandria ignored Joker and Harley, as she slowly stepped towards the kitchen door taking everything in. The swinging door gave way to an almost sterile kitchen. Chromed and silvered. Shelves bolted the kitchen window, the freezer's wall no longer lined with frozen water, back door had a new lock, and her office was still cluttered.

"You'd be surprised at how easy it was ta get allllll this stuff from ya' old place, Sunshine!" Harley came bouncing in, Joker swaggering in behind. "It was all Mista J's idea to get ya back to where ya was. I hope ya don't mind. I told him about..." Harley leaned in and whispered "You-know-who."

"Tisk, Tisk, Alex! I was pretty hurt when I found out you had a Lover boy, I can't even Imagine the pain you're in." A dark smile graced his fair, blurred by Alexandria's tears. Harley leaned back into his arms snuggling her head under his chin. Joker watched as Alexandria took everything in, wide eyed and robotic, as if in shock. Joker couldn't lie it was... _funny_ to see her shocked. No angry, snarky line. No glares of back talk. She looked like everyone else in this city. Shocked Sheep. _"BAA~AAA~!"_ He giggled at his thoughts, while Alexandria gathered her own. She looked out from the kitchen window to her new lobby. Her old lobby.

Everything looked exactly like her old diner she has with her fiance. The one she left behind to start over. A wave of...something. Melancholy? Sorrow? Happiness? It hit her full force and tears streamed down her eyes, while she grinned ear to ear. Spinning on her heel she did something only one other has ever dared to do.

She hugged the Joker. Arms wrapped over his, forehead to his chest, tears soaking his purple tie, laughing as she repeated over and over,

"Thank you!"...

* * *

 _Two weeks later..._

11:26 AM.

In the two weeks following her newest surprise things were surprisingly well. Her newest position as the henchman haunt brought lots of patrons, even if sometimes she did have to throw out a few of the rowdier ones. Pay was steadily increasing, which was good with Penguins goons breaking in time to time to sabotage her store. Repair costs were ridiculous. Jervis still came by at noon for tea, though his slip ups with 'Alice" and not 'Alex' were becoming more frequent. Riddler only stopped by if he was dodging police, and the police had left her alone for the most part.

Today however was different.

The health inspector here today, and that always made her panic. Alexandria dove into her office and began frantically searching for her paperwork from last quarter.

"Is everything okay?" Alexandria gasped as she swung around to face the intruder.

Jonathan Crane sat in her chair, as he took in her expression, especially her eyes, the black widened to take in every detail, sweat gathered on her brow, breathing shallow and fast.

"What has you so... _ **afraid?"**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

* * *

I apologize for the delay. Life shit.


	10. Chapter 10

Fear was something Jonathan lived and breathed. He could dissect a persons deepest darkest fears within few minutes of conversation and observation. However with this new girl, it wasn't that easy. It was driving him and his... "occupant" mad. Standing up to the Joker, Riddler, apparently a very angry Harleen with a gun, even Cobblepots' attempted to bully her. Yet... her she was, eyes wide, panting breathe, shaking in her skin. Even Scarecrow could smell fear rolling off her in waves. Alexandria was scared, Crane and Crow reveling in her fear...but.

As they were about to learn, there was only one thing in this world she actually feared. It wasn't him though.

.

Crane found himself slammed against the back of the chair as she closed the door, fire burning in widen pupils.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" the Fox staged whispered, quiet but still conveying her anger. Crane found himself excited. _**'**_ _Fight not flight.'_

"I merely wanted to pay you a visit. See how you are adjusting to this new scenario." Cranes doctor voice seeping with false security.

"Do you have _**ANY**_ idea whats going on today?" the Fox's brow furrowed in panic as she seemed to understand the implications of him being here. He was wrong on part of his assumptions.

"Tuesday?"

"YOU IDIOT!" the furrow in her brow turned to one of frustration. "The health inspector is here." Alexandria pulled a file drawer open, frantically thumbing through documents haphazardly shoved in. "If she sees you, a wanted _criminal_ , we're both in trouble." The situation dawned on the Doctor. Running a hand through his hair he sighed.

"I will remain in here. I'll lock the door and you can say you lost the key to it."

"She'll want to come in here! She'll see you, she'll report you, then I'll have the police or The Batman on this doorstep! I'll lose my diner!" the Fox looked ready to bolt.

"Calm yourself. Act natural." **_'Why tell her to calm down, I'm loving the look on her face.'_** _'I don't want to go back to Arkham yet. We still have plans to finish._

A deep inhale interrupted his internal conversation. Almost like magic, pupils shrunk, shaking subsided, breathing tamed. Watching her solidify from her panic was... enthralling and entirely disappointing. Alexandria steeled herself, and through a hard glare in Jonathans' direction.

"If I lose this restaurant, I _will_ make you fear _me!_ " And with that weak threat she walked out the door with a clipboard in hand.

Scarecrow was scratching at Cranes forehead **_'Let me at that Bitch! Imma gas her! I'm gonna tear her throat apart with my hands! Fucking threaten us?! I'll-'_** Crane pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave of Crows ranting. She fucked up.

.

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An hour later, after finding out the health inspector was called out on a tip about rats, which were a problem in a big city, (Alexandria had a damn good idea who 'tipped' off the Health Board.) Inspector Lewis left stating that almost everything was in order. All that was wrong was the sanitizer not being changed often enough, Gary was corrected, and the hold times being expired by twenty minutes, Marcus apologized. Alexandria dove into work after that, Marcus stepping back to start prep work for dinner knowing Boss needed to be alone. Years under Joker taught him to realize when someone needed to be 'alone', lest the interrupter wanted to lose a hand.

Once lunch rush was over, all her customers filed out, leaving tips of various amounts, and a few regulars grunting goodbyes, Alexandria breathed a deep sigh. She made her way back to her office to "file" her newest report away as her Boys locked up the store til dinner (A habit she started since her newest 'clientele' came into her life.). She completely forgot Crane was in her office. Or the fact she had threatened him. Opening the door she was greeted by a hand grabbing her throat, her body being pushed hard into the backdoor, knocking the wind right out her lungs.

Jonathan Crane glared heavily into her eyes, holding her up on her tip toes with one hand. Alexandria was vaguely aware of her boys shouting, and the click a hammer.

 _ **"I would stand down boy if I were you. This is between me and**_ _ **her!**_ _ **"**_ The voice didn't sound right. Instead of false saccharine calmness, it was heavy, guttural, almost like each word was growled out of a deep well. It was then Alexandria looked into his eyes. No ice blue. A deep, dark blue. Almost black.

Alexandria gasped out past the hand on her throat "Scarecrow." A chocking laugh came forth from the _man._

 _ **"Oh boy, you know who I am."**_ Sarcasm and angry dripped on his words.

"What do you want?" Alexandria felt herself getting lightheaded, pinpricks peppered across her face as it started to go numb from the lack of oxygen.

 _ **"Who the hell do you think you are to threaten**_ _ **ME?!**_ _ **"**_ the Fox attempted a scoff. That made the hand gripped tighter, face contorting in rage _**"WHY DON'T YOU FEAR ME!?"**_ Scarecrow all but screamed, spittle landing on Alexandria cheek. Said women tried to answer, but black was closing in more, thought was losing its coherency.

"Scarecrow, she can't answer if she has no voice!" Gary, bless his hear,t tried to pry the clenched hand from his Boss's throat. He succeeded, but only because the hand he tugged turned on him. With inhuman strength, the back hand which should have only knocked back the burly man, sent him flying. He only stopped when his back met the walk-in door, several feet away. This did however allow Alexandria fall to the floor, coughing and spluttering, rasping air in and out, past her tight and sore throat.

"You-" a cough, "Wanna know what I'm afraid of?" Scarecrow turned Cranes body to face the women, on her knees, kneeling before him.

 _ **"YES!"**_ he demon in mans clothing shouted hunching over her, tall, scrawny figure almost imposing over her curled form.

"I'm afraid," panting, air finally smoothly entering her lungs, "of losing everything I dedicated my life to." A hand gestured to the kitchen, its sister massaging her neck. "That everything I have ever built, with my own two hands will be ripped from them." Alexandria looked in to black blue eyes, shakily standing up.

"Take away your knowledge of fear, you are nothing. Take away my restaurant, and I'm the same."

There they stood. Eyeing each other, sizing each other up. Both could fight, Alexandria would lose, but she would fight. The Scarecrow could use his fear gas on her, kill her as she screamed in delicious agony. Joker would come for him, for breaking the deal. He could fight a man that unpredictable, so unafraid. He would lose to Joker.

 _ **"Some fucking fear."**_ Blue black eye lightened, a hand came up suddenly, but Alexandria didn't flinch, knew she couldn't. Glasses covered ice blue eyes, as a smirk graced the "good" Doctors' face.

"Such irrational feelings." Crane stated quietly. rubbing his sore hand. "You couldn't possibly lose your restuarant."

"I know. I make damn sure I won't." Alexandria said tersly. "Get out."

"I will be back. So will Scarecrow. We will find something else..." The Crane pulled out a cellphone.

"I'm sure you'll be looking for a long while." Alexandria walked into her office and shut the door, trusting that Crane wouldn't allow himself to be caught here.

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Sorry for delay. Or if this seems off. It's been a while since I've written and I've just moved across the country again. Please let me know of any mistakes, or ideas you have.


	11. Chapter 11

"It doesn't add up."

"What's that Master Bruce?" Alfred asked as he wrapped gauze around his masters' bicep.

"Most of the Gallery tend to stick to their own turfs, but recently there have been sightings in a sector of the Narrow," Bruce pulled a map up on his screen, red lights dotting the overhead map of the Narrows. "and there are rumors."

"Rumors of what?"

"A new 'hangout'." Bruce grunting slightly as Alfred tightened the last knot on his arm. "Lots of different gangs intermingling. The only place that happens is the Iceberg."

"Maybe Mr. Cobblepot has expanded."

"Penguin prefers the finer luxuries. The Narrows is too run down for him." Bruce began marking the map with green dots, points of interest. "I'm going to make a few calls, set up lookouts. See if we can find a pattern."

"I wouldn't put too much stock into rumors, Master Wayne. After all, look at what people say about you." The butler picked up the polished silver tray littered with bloodied swabs and antiseptics.

"Every rumor has a grain of truth." Alfred hummed as he began up the stairs out of the cave.

"Don't forget you have a meeting in the morning."

* * *

 _"Hey Dollface!"_ Alexandera sighed, lodging the phone between the crook of her neck and her shoulder as she flipped the burger on the grill.

"What do you want Jay?" Joker chortled at the name, Alexandera had taken to calling him that when he called, in case anyone was eavesdropping.

 _"We aren't coming by for lunch today."_ That was odd. Joker and Harley usually dropped by during the restaurants midday break, when all the rest of the customers had left. Not that Alexandera was complaining.

"Good. I got a new recipe I wanna test." the chef could almost see the pout the clown had on his face.

 _"Aaaww shucks, you make it sound like you DON'T want us there."_ Alexandera didn't even give that a response. _"I just...have a hunch."_ Alexandera was surprised by how serious he sounded. It was far more intimidating than any laugh he could spout out.

"Okay...well... stay safe?" Nevermind, the laugh was still scarier.

 _"HAHAHAhahaha...hehe, Doll, nothing is ever safe with me around."_ There was a click, and Alexandera powered off the phone, shoving it in her boot. It was a little prepaid, off the shelf cell phone. One the Rouges used to contact her from time to time. Alexandera knew that it was walking probable cause, so she kept it somewhere relatively unseen.

"Boss, we got three more Mac Burgers." Gary called through the little window that was recently installed. Two more hours before test time.

* * *

"Alright Boys," Alexandera couldn't remember when she started to consider her employees "her Boys", but that's what they were now. "The rest of the day is yours. I got something I'm gonna test, and I don't need you under foot." Marcus, Gary and Kyle chuckled, knowing she meant it hardheartedly.

"Can do." Marcus patted her shoulder as they walked out the front door. Kyle closed the blinds (a habit they had all picked up for 'lunch time') as she walked out, Gary giving a small wave.

"Try not to do anything illegal." That got the boys laughing. Alexandera locked the front door, and made her way into the walk in, grabbing various meats and veggies, before haphazardly dumping them on the prep counter to chop. Today, Chef will be attempting Gumbo. Prep work was so menial, Alexandera tended to zone off into her own thoughts.

Having the Rouges as customers had its perks. No one dared fuck with her, knowing her little diner was unofficial Joker turf, all the goons payed for their meals, business was booming. However, Alexandera had already had her life threatened twice, she's almost lost her restaurant through the working of the Penguin. She also had a Hatter giving her googly eyes at tea time. Though despite her best efforts... Movement from the corner of her eyes.

"Kyle, did you forget your wallet again?" There was no response. Alexandera turned her gaze setting eyes on someone she had hoped to never see.

The Batman was as imposing as imagination would permit. Taller then most men, and broad across, he looked like he could take on any feat of strength. And the grim expression didn't help ease the tension in Alexandera. He was downright intimidating. Alexandera was so caught up in her shock, she didn't notice how close the knife was to her knuckles til her knife knicked them.

"Shit!" her hand went to her mouth, sucking in blood and garlic clove.

"Miss Fox." A statement from the ebony statue in her kitchen, not a question as to who she was. Alexandera breezed past him to her medkit on the wall, opening it to grab antibacterial ointment.

"I thought bats only emerged at night?" Alexandera bit the edge of the ointment pouch as she walked past the Batman again, washing her hands of the blood in the sink.

"I'd like to ask you some questions." the Chef hissed as the soap burned her hand.

"Ask away."

"Have you noticed any suspicious activity in the area?" Alexandera gave the bat an incredulous look.

"Dude, its Gotham. Its the NARROWS! The little old grandma walking her dog could be a dope dealer."

"Have you noticed any suspicious Rouge activity in the area?"

"I know that a few months back Joker was supposed to be in the area, but I haven't seen anything." Alexandera squeezed some ointment on her hand, rubbing it in lightly.

"Can you explain why you have known Joker associates in you employment?"

"I didn't know they worked for him, they showed up when I had a help wanted sign in the window." Alexandera replied evenly.

"Did you know that your clientele is mainly comprised of known gang members?" The Chef scoffed, leveling a glare at the Caped Crusader.

"Look, Batman. I don't have 'clientele', I have customers. People walk in, order food, get their food, eat their food, pay for their food, and leave. I'm not their barber, I don't ask their business. They don't tell me their business. As far as I'm concerned, as long as they don't cause trouble here, I couldn't care less what they do out there." Alexandera gestured broadly towards where the street would be.

"There are rumors that you have connections to several Rouges."

"The only _Rouge,_ " sarcasm dripped heavily at the word, "that I've had to deal with is that old Bird Brain who thinks he can hustle me outta business. I ain't movin' town because he's pissy that I've been getting business."

The Batman kept his steady gaze on the blonde. Her face not showing any signs of deception that he could see. The chef scoffed before turning back to her cutting board, beginning to toss the bloodied garlic away.

"If you're gonna grill me, you better order some food. If not, you better leave unnoticed. I don't wanna lose business because you scared off my customers." A new knife was grabbed off a wall magnet. Onions being chopped harshly, in agitation.

"If you notice anything, give me a call."

"I don't exactly have a bat light on my roof."

"No, but you do have the beginnings of a leak."

"What?!" Alexandera's head whipped to the Batman, only to see he was gone. In his place was a tiny phone. The only button was a oval with a bat emblazed on it.

Alexandera picked it up, before settling it on her spice rack. Back to prep work, Alexandera mind wondered again.

Having the Rouges as customers had its perks. No one dared fuck with her, knowing her little diner was unofficial Joker turf, all the goons payed for their meals, business was booming. However, Alexandera had already had her life threatened twice, she's almost lost her restaurant through the working of the Penguin. She also had a Hatter giving her googly eyes at tea time.

Now she had a Bat looking over her shoulder, and a leak in her roof.

But despite her best efforts, she didn't consider the Rouges her 'Clientele', she didn't lie. She considered them to be acquaintances... _Friends._

And you don't turn your back on friends, _especially_ in Gotham.

* * *

Batman went over everything he had recorded. Heart levels spiked during entrance, and anger. Not deviations to show deception. No clues as to where the Gallery was, or why thugs were frequenting the little diner. In other words, the Chef seemed innocent.

"I told you, Master Wayne. Don't put too much stock in rumors."

"You're right Alfred, but my gut is telling me something."

"Then perhaps, a different approach?"

* * *

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So Bats finally showed up. What do you think?

Also who do you think showed be a romance option? I'm leaning towards Tetch, but I'm open to suggestions.


	12. Chapter 12

Gumbo was something Alexandria had steered cleared from in the past. It wasn't the meats, or spices, or the long cook time that put her off, it was the rue. Something as simple as butter and flour shouldn't be this hard to get right, but it was. It was too light, too dark, burnt, runny, too thick. To get a brick rue had been her nemesis for the past ten years, and it was still as difficult to get today. Tonight, however, she would be getting some very special help.

* * *

"Fuck and _SHIT!_ " Smoke filled the kitchen, the broken bits of a fire alarm scattered across the floor, a near empty bag of flour tossed through the air. Another batch of rue burnt. Alexandria grabbed one handle of the stock pot and hurled that across the kitchen, narrowly missing a certain doctors' head in the process. The chef however seemed oblivious to the intruder as she slammed a wooden spoon repeatedly on her countertop so hard it broke. An engraged scream of frustration tore through her mouth at the sight of the splintered wood, as Alexandria kicked at the little pieces of wood and and broken smoke detector across the floor.

In other words, she was having a hissy fit.

" _Son of a fucking bitch, you buttery heathen! Gluten devil! Fuck you and your thickening powers to the deepest pits!"_ Butter went sailing across the kitchen, landing at the 'Good' Doctors feet, an amused expression on his face as he watched the blonde scream profanities at the butter.

"Now you know that talking to inanimate objects is one of the signs of madness, don't you?" Humor lacing Cranes voice, as he watched Alexandria seethe in anger. She, finally, took notice of her guest.

"You'd be fucking yelling at butter too, if it _wouldn't do its' job!_ " The Chef screamed gripping her hair in frustration, as she turned her back on Crane, walking to wear all her pots and pans were stored. Profanities shot out of her mouth in high pitched speed and she began to gather fresh butter and flour, again.

"Is this why you haven't been open for the weekend?" His only response was a frustrated growl.

Crane had never seen such anger in a person, pure rage. It set his mind reeling, taking note of all the quirks her body was giving off. Red face, dilated pupils, sweat gathering, hairs raised, breath rapid, the snarls she gave. But most of all... Her screams.

Not even when she yelled at Joker, that first day, did she screamed, raised her voice yes, but not this high pitched, guttural scream.

 ** _'Damn Johnny, she's been holding out!'_** Scarecrow laughed in his mind, causing Crane to pinch the bridge of his nose. **_'Wanna see if we can make her scream more?'_** Doing his best to ignore his 'partner', he walked behind Alexandria.

"And what would that job be?" Alexandria whirled around to face the doctor, seeming to debate with herself. Crane took notice that she bit her lip when she thought to herself. A heavy sigh, before tense shoulders relaxed, though her tone was still hard.

"I'm making a rue." Crane's eyebrow raised.

"That should be hard for you to do." Alexandria scoffed.

"No it ain't. Brick rues on the other hand are a _biiiiiitch!"_ She drew out the word, emphasizing with another snarl. Crane heard a resonating growl in his head from the Scarecrow. _'What was that?'_

 _ **'Nothin'. Don't worry about it.'**_

"If a brick rue is so hard to obtain, why not just use a simple rue?" Alexandria leveled a glare at the doctor.

" _Because,"_ the chef took a deep breathe, trying to steady her anger. "Brick rues make the best gumbo."

"You're making gumbo?"

"I'm _trying_ to, but I can never get past the fucking rue!"

Johnathon took note of the kitchen, cataloging all that he saw.

"You need to bake it."

"Pardon?"

"Brick rues are best achieved when baked in a cast iron pot." Alexandria stared hard at the Doctor.

"How do you know that?"

"I'm an educated man, I-"

"Your college degree don't mean shit in my kitchen." Alexandria leaned in close, staring suspiciously at the Doctor, "How do you know that?" She poked his chest to emphasize her question.

 _ **'She's challengin' you, Johnny...'**_

"I grew up in the South." the chef snorted, clearly not believing the answer, but still she pulled down her largest cast iron pot from a rack and thrusted it into the doctors chest.

"Show me."

* * *

An hour later, after Alexandria had swept the kitchen and vigorously scrubbed all the failed rues from her pots, Alexandria found herself seated across from Dr. Crane. He languidly sipped his tea, while ignoring the wary stare of the chef, who was sipped sweet tea.

"Why are you here?" Crane didn't bother to glance at the chef as he pulled a notepad out of his pocket.

"Jervis tried to stop by yesterday for tea, but you seemed to have scared him off with your tirade." He took note of of how the Chefs' shoulders relaxed slightly.

"Good, maybe he'll see me less as Alice and more as the Red Queen." Alexandria leaned back in her chair, kicking her booted feet onto the chair across from her.

"So you have noticed his fixation." Crane disdainfully glanced at the feet next to him, but went back to his notes.

"I have to remind him that I'm not Alice almost every tea time."

"Then why have tea time? Why continue this...business?" Alexandria was silent as she thought. Crane took note of how a crease formed in her brow and how her eyes seemed to go blank as she thought.

"Did you know Batman showed up the other day?" Crane felt a surge of anger flow through him.

"Oh?"

"He asked me a few questions, I told him to fuck off." Alexandria huffed, "Apparently I have a leak forming in the roof."

"Why are you bringing this up?"

"I forgot he showed up until I swept up the remains of the phone he left behind." Another derisive huff. "I guess you now know I have a temper." Alexandria stared at Johnathon until he finally made eye contact with her.

"Again I ask, why?" A few moments passed before the chef answered.

"It's Gotham. You need to look out for yourself above all else. If you don't, you die. You could get gassed," She gestured to the Doctor, "or squished, or poisoned, or shot, or broken in half, or eaten, or a fit of giggles. I saw an opportunity to stay alive and keep business afloat. Now look where I am."

"And where exactly are you?"

"Business is booming and I have something I haven't had in years." Crane raised a brow, to which Alexandria answered back with withering smirk. "I've got friends."

* * *

Johnathon Crane sat in his office going over his notes on the little chef.

"Figure anything out?" Edward sat in a chair in the corner, filling out a crossword puzzle. Crane adjusted his glasses as he sipped lightly on a glass of whiskey.

"We don't have to worry about her going to the authorities."

"We already knew that."

"She thinks we're her friends, Edward." The Riddler laughed to himself.

"Well...She isn't completely airheaded."

"No... just hot headed."

* * *

It was early morning by the time Alexandria left her 'home'. Walking to her apartment alone wasn't an issue anymore. ' _I've got friends in low places...'_ Alexandria couldn't help but hum the song, noting how appropriate it was. The streets were empty save a few homeless people gathered around bins of fire to keep warm. October had just rolled into Gotham, and with it the slushy, icy rain occasionally turned to snow drifts. By the time Alexandria saw her building, the chill had settled into the chefs' back. The large pot of her first ever successful gumbo, clutched lovingly to her chest, kept her front warm. The elevator ride up to her floor was quiet, the only sound was the jingle of her keychain. Sliding her key into her apartment, thought of liquor and hot showers brought a smile to her face.

The smile dropped when she she the door and turned the lights on.

"SURPRISE ALICE!"


	13. Chapter 13

Alexandria wasn't a party person. She never was a fan of having to interact with people she only "knew" through mutual friends. Even birthday parties consisted of her drinking scotch and watching cheesy B-movies alone as the years went by. Needless to say, Alexandria wasn't expecting a party when she arrived home.

* * *

"Jervis?" Alexandria looked around her apartment, which normally was cluttered with discarded clothes and dirty dishes, had been transformed into a magical Wonderland. Complete with potted flowers with smiling faces, a long table with multitudes of teapots, cups, and pastries. And a horribly oversized, decedant cake, complete with the beautiful frosting spelling out _'Merry Unbirthday'_.

"Oh Alice, you seemed so upset yesterday,and today _is_ October sixth! I decided to throw a tea party!" Jervis came bounding over, a large grin plastered over his face. "Not just any party though! We shall celebrate your Unbithday!" He seemed to take delight in her shocked expression.

"Jervis, It's not... how did?" Alexandria placed her pot of gumbo on a small side table next to the door, taking slow tentative steps further into her apartment. Jervis, being an impatient hatter, grabbed his Alice's hand, pulling her further into Wonderland.

"Before tea, I have a gift for you, and I do hope you enjoy it!" Alexandria stared at the dress, contemplating her life choices...

* * *

Alexandria stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. The Alice dress fit perfectly, the chef couldn't even bother to bring herself to question how Jervis knew her dress size. Sighing at the toothpaste splattered reflection, Alexandria placed the little black head band over her hair and stepped out the bathroom. Jervis was already seated at the head of the table. Two people wearing rabbit masks sat at the opposite end, the only indication they were alive was the slow movement of breathing through their chests. The Hatter was pouring tea into a little cup, not noticing the Alice's entrance. Alexandria stepped into the tea room, eyeing the Hatter.

"What kind of cake is that?" The hatter glanced up, but any response died on his lips seeing the Chef in a dress.

"Alice...you look exquisite"

"Jervis.. It's Alexandria."

"In that dress, my dear, you are Alice." Hatter gestured to the seat next to himself, which Alexandria took. A generous slice of cake was placed in front of her by one of the rabbits, why Jervis placed a cup of tea next to her. _'If you can't beat 'em...'_ Alexandria grabbed a fork and took a bite of creamy lemon chiffon cake. Pure citrus bliss. Jervis began humming a tune, never taking his eyes off the chef.

"I remember at our last tea time, that you said you were rather found of lemon. I had one of my Tweedles whip you up a treat!" Alexandria gave a weak smile as she took another bite.

"It's good." swallowing the morsel, Alexandria grabbed her tea cup. "Jervis, why didn't you have a tea party at the restaurant?"

"Quite honestly you frightened me. You seemed more like the Red Queen on a rampage, than my sweet Alice." Jervis reached over the table and placed a hand over the chefs. "What had you worked up in such a tizzy?" Alexandria didn't bother correcting the Hatter, she was after all wearing an Alice dress.

"Gumbo."

"Gumbo?"

"Gumbo." Alexandria sipped her tea. Darjeeling, a little too sweet. Jervis looked over to the forgotten pot next to the front door.

"I wager a guess that you finished it?"

"Yeah, Crane dropped by and helped me with the recipe." Jervis's hand twitched slightly over Alexandria's.

"Marchie...helped you?"

"Marchie?"

"The March Hare, my dear."

"How's he the March Hare?"

"Calm one moment, erratic the next."

"Wouldn't that be the Joker?"

"No, no, _he's_ the Chesire Cat!" Alexandria laughed, to which Jervis smiled widely to.

"Makes sense."

"Marchie didn't hurt you did he?

"No, he hasn't tried to since the last time." The twitch of the hand turned to a light hold.

"He tried to hurt my Alice?"

"Tried and failed." Alexandria looked at the shocked, tense face of the Hatter before her. "I'm fine, he only made me _smad._ "

"Smad?"

"Super mad." Jervis cocked an eyebrow. "You're a fan of Carroll, you should know what a portmantaue is."

"Of course I do, but I've never heard of _smad_ before."

"And what, you've never heard of bromance?"

"What?"

"Sexersize?" at that the Hatter turned a brilliant shade of pink.

"I NEVER!" Alexandria couldn't help the laughter that forced it's way out of her. The stress from her kitchen oozed out of her at the flustered expression on the poor mans face.

"I'm sorry, Hatter!" Jervis stared in wonder as his Alice lit up in joy.

"Alice, you called me Hatter." Alexandria took note of the almost, dissappointed tone at that statement.

"Well, aren't you a hatter?"

"Why yes, but..." Jervis seemed to mull over something in his thoughts, eyes unfocused as he fiddled with his bowtie. "I rather like it when you call me Jervis. Not many people do." Alexandria felt a string of unfamiliar pity settle in her chest. Or maybe it was heartburn.

"Well I suppose I should keep calling you Jervis then."

"I'd rather like that, my Dear." If Alexandria was a women that cared less about her life, she would have told the man in front of her not to stare so intensely. Alas, the chef valued her life almost as much as she valued her restaurant. So a distraction would have to do.

"Hey, Jervis?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"CLEAN CUP!" Alexandria shot up out of her seat, as The hatter moved nimbly to a new spot. The rabbits at the end of the table merely switched places.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Jervis?"

"What is a _Brony?_ " Alexandria laughed at the confusion of the Hatter.

Tea Parties aren't so bad if you at least enjoy the company.

* * *

Dr. Crane sat in front of an elaborate chemistry set, playing with a beaker. Jervis had stopped by well into the night rambling on and on how his "Alice" had enjoyed the tea party he had planned.

"Alice did seem to enjoy the cake! But not so much the tea, maybe a new flavour next time."

"Jervis, you do realize I'm trying to work right?"

"Oh Marchie, she has a most peculiar way with words." Mad giggles spilled from the Hatters mouth as he repeated the word "Smad" over and over again. Then just as suddenly the giggles started, they stopped. Crane breathed a sigh of relief at the silence, before he felt hands tightly gripping his shoulder.

"I don't appreciate Marchie touching my Alice." Mad. not Madness. "I would hate for Marchie to have to loose his mind because he couldn't keep his hands to himself."

"Jervis, there is no need to be so over protective. She's not Alice." Screeches of wood scraped through the air, as the Hatter spun the Scarecrow around.

"She's _my_ Alice."

"Of course." _'Foolish women, you're making yourself a target.'_ As quickly as the anger appeared it dissapated.

"Alice told me to pass a message along! She will be closed on Halloween this year."

"Why is that?"

"She wouldn't say, though that is fine by me! Too many Cards out on a night like that, I wouldn't want her to get hurt!"

 _'Now why would she be closed on Halloween?'_

 ** _'Wanna make a bet?'_**

* * *

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Thank you all so much for all the support. I appreciate it very much. Please, if you have any suggestions let me know.

Also, I had someone make me fanart of Alexandria and forgot to show case it!

a / LnHy1

If any of you have fanart you'd like to share, please do!


	14. Chapter 14

Alexandria was never a very dramatic person. Her fiance, on the other hand, was a very theatrical person. He always pulled the stops out on holidays, even the very silly ones. Stacks of waffles on national waffle day. Tacos and beer and nachos during the SuperBowl, and a haunted house EVERY Halloween. Alexandria on the other hand couldn't ever be bothered with the frivolities. The most festive she was, was making food for the major holidays with her few friends, then quietly escaping back to her cave when no one would notice. Until one day... He showed her that one day a year, even she could be _Theatrical._

* * *

"Oh my GAWSH! Are ya actually callin' me?" Harley's overly high voice caused a static to go through the receiver.

"Harley, tone it down."

"Sooorry. What's up, Sunshine?" Alexandria took another sip of her spiked coffee, dreading and yet somewhat hopeful of the fellow blondes answer.

"Are you busy tomorrow? Tomorrow night?"

"Naaaw, tomorrow is Jonny's day, we rouges tend to stay away from Halloween. Why?"

"I have plans, and..." a long swig, this time from the whiskey bottle. "Well, do you wanna come along? I need your help with makeup, and your more then welcome to come with."

"Make up? Do ya have a date?!"

"What? No." Alexandria frowned. "Look I kinda need an answer."

"Sure! What are we up to?"

* * *

"Six Cinna-Burgers, five rings, one spud." Gary called out before rushing back out front. Today was busy with togo orders. Seemed most of the under belly was anticipating whatever the Scarecrow would pulled and didn't plan on going out. So all day there had been a flood of all seedy sorts of thugs coming in to get food to stock up on. Seemed most didn't know how to cook, which was no skin off Alexandria's back. So she and Marcus stayed rather busy. Soon though, the doors would close for the usual 'lunch break'.

It took a little longer then intended to get the doors closed and the blinds shut, what with the increased business today. her poor boys were gather in the lobby, picking tiredly at fries.

"Marcus, Gary, Kyle."

"Yes boss?" they all answered in unison.

"Go home."

"Did we do something wrong?" Kyle actually looked panicked. Alexandria gave a rare smile.

"No, but tomorrow's gonna be hectic, and I need you good to go after tonight. Go enjoy Halloween." They all smiled back, Kyle's being a little grisly from his missing teeth. they all said their goodbyes, as Alexandria made her way to the office to file some work. Thirty minutes into tax work she heard the bell alarm in her office go off. It was connected to her front door letting her no when someone walked in. It shouldn't be going off however, the boys always made sure to lock the door when they left. And her clientele knew there was always a break before dinner. Alexandria quietly snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a rolling pin off the counter as a weapon. Just in case.

Peaking out the door from the kitchen, she saw a small figure rummaging around the back order counter, but mostly around her cash till.

"The fuck you think you're doing kid?!"

The boy whirled around, and glared at the blonde. Black hair and green eyes that looked like they held all the hate in Gotham. He vaulted over the counter, rushing towards the door, back Alexandria through the rolling pin at his head. It struck, causing the boy to stumble. Stumble enough to allow Alexandria to swoop behind him and grab him into a bear hug. The boy began to thrash his legs, wriggling to break his hold, but Alexandria allowed herself to fall back. The momentum allowed her to wrap her legs around the boys, effectively locking him in her grip.

"Oh hell no, you ain't going no where til you give back what you stole!" the boy thrashed more.

"I Did not steal anything, Woman!"

"Like I fucking believe that!"

"Unhand me!"

"No!" the boy craned his neck to bite her arm, but the pain only made the chef tense more.

"Kid I got burns that hurt more than that!" The boy struggled more and more, until finally he began to loose energy. He gave a tired huff and stopped moving.

"You done?"

"Yes."

"Give me what you stole, I don't want to call the cops."

"I told you, woman, I did not steal from you. I am no thief."

"You're gonna have to prove that."

"I cannot with you holding me." Alexandria could almost hear the smug grin on his face.

"You'll run the second I let go."

"Then why would you ask back your belongings, when you have no way of retrieving them from me?"

"You little smartass." They went back to the 'standoff'.

"I swear on my honor, that I will not run." Alexandria thought it over until she finally loosened her grip. The boy shot out of her grip and straightened his dirt stained hoodie, before emptying his pockets.

"Shoes and socks off kid." The boy actually smiled, seemingly impressed by the idea, but obliged. The only thing he had on him with a couple of small round pellets.

"Smoke bombs?"

"In case you chased me."

"what the hell were you doing in here kid?"

"I came to steal from you." he gave a pathetic look. "I am an orphan." Alexandria snorted, finally pushing herself of the ground to stand up.

"No you ain't." The boy narrowed his eye, suspicious.

"How would you know?"

"You're clothes are dirty, but they don't stink, meaning you haven't had them long or you just got them and rolled around a patch of dirt to make them look dirty. Plus you are way to well spoken to be an orphan." the full on glare from this kid actually began to make the chef uneasy. "My guess, Cobblepott sent you as another way to put me outta business. Relative?"

"Absolutely not."

"Then why the hell are you here." Silence met her.

"Fine you don't want to tell me that's fine, but your still paying for this."

"I told you, Woman. I didn't steal from you!"

"But you are up to something, put me behind on paperwork, AND bit me." She grabbed the back of the boys hoodie and dragged him into the kitchen, surprisingly the boy went along without a struggle. The pushed him into the dish pit.

"You can go once everything is clean."

"You expect me to do menial labor?" He genuinely looked affronted.

"Yep." She tossed him a plastic apron at him and leaned against the wall. Pulling out her cellphone, she shot a picture of his shocked face. "And with this photo, if you run, I can go to the cops and tell them some kid tried to rob me.."

"I thought you did not want to involve the police."

"I don't. Don't force my hand." A chilling glare was aimed at Alexandria before the boy turned and began fumbling with the dishes.

* * *

"Here." Alexandria held out an icepack wrapped in paper towels. The boy grabbed it and held it against the back of his head. Alexandria led him to one of the booths, where she put out water glasses, and a tray of baklava.

"What is this?"

"Food, kid. You've been here a while, figured you'd be hungry." He hesitantly slid into the booth, and stared at the chef across from him.

"You gonna try and rob me again?"

"No."

Silence passed between them as Alexandria quietly ate her baklava. Not really paying much attention to the boy.

"When can I leave, woman?"

"When I'm satisfied that you won't be a nuisance again."

"I gave you my word!"

"You still came in after hours to a closed restaurant, and bit me."

"You said that it did not hurt."

"Its the principle. You go into a persons house and shit on their floor. It's rude."

"I hardly defecated on your floor."

"You but you were a little shit, kid."

"My name is not child!"

"My names not Woman." Alexandria answered back coolly. More silence.

"Damian."

"Alexandria." the chef gestured to the plate of food. "Eat." Damian reached for the food, grabbing a piece but not biting into it.

"You have a lot of criminals as patrons." Somehow she was not surprised Damian brought this up. He had to have cased the diner for a while.

"What they do outside of here doesn't concern me."

"How so?"

"As long as they don't cause trouble here, I don't care. I don't care if you're an orphan," at this she looked pointed at Damian, "a criminal, cop, billionaire, Dhali Lama. You come in here, your just another hungry face with a wallet. Pay for your food, eat and leave. That's the way this works. Don't ask, don't tell."

"I did not pay for this."

"You did the dishes, that's the oldest way broke people pay for meals."

"I am hardly poor."

"I figured." Damian looked agitated at his slip up.

"Are you not worried the law will come after you?"

"What for serving people who come in paying cash to eat? I work the kitchen, I don't look to see every single person to come in. I'm not aiding and abetting. I'm not hiding any criminals here. I cook food." Damian watched her closely as she spoke. He nodded, finally taking a bite of the baklava. I that instant, his face melted from the cold, angry intellect, and morphed into a surprised, childlike wonder. Alexandria smiled.

"I know."

"How did you make this?"

"Old recipe I found. Tweaked it a bit to make it more palatable to myself." Damian quickly finished his piece, and reached for another.

"It is delicious."

"Take the rest and get home. Next time I see you in here, better be with a wallet." Alexandria slid out of the booth and made her way back into the office, trusting that Damian would show himself out. As she sat in her chair she heard the door alarm go off.

* * *

"I neva thought ya would be into this kinda thing!" Harley was bouncing in the driver seat. Covered in glitter, hair in a short red wig.

"It does seem out of character for someone like you." Ivy sat shotgun, dressed in a beautiful corset dress, hair covered in a long black wig.

"It's not something I advertise. It's a once a year thing, then I go back to being a chef." Alexandria actually felt a flush go through her. "Are you sure no one will recognize you?"

"Ab-sa-loootly! People are all gonna be dressed up, no one will think ta look twice at us!" They pulled into a large parking lot, and began walking to the crowded street. Earing a few catcalls. Alexandria led them down an ally to a backdoor, where a security guard was waiting.

"Pass?" Alexandria flashed hers, before leading the girls in.

"I'm gonna show you to your seats, try not to leave them or they will be stolen.

"Like anyone would steal from us!"

"Go prepare, I'll keep Columbia out of trouble here." Alexandria shot Ivy a meaningful look before going back stage. Harley whipped out her phone and began rapidly texting.

"What are you doing?"

"Sending invites!" Ivy chuckled in her seat. She was true to her word. She wasn't causing trouble here.

* * *

"What on Earth?" a group of men stood in front of the Gotham theatre. All in disguises, waiting in line to pay for tickets. "How did Harley convince us to come here? Shouldn't you be planning something for tonight?" Riddler questioned Scarecrow.

 _ **"She said this has ta do with the chef. I wanna know what she's up to."**_

"Upset that you can't figure her out, Doctor?"

 _ **"I won't hestitate to gas you, Puzzles."**_

"My! Everyone seems festive!" Hatter gushed, taking in all the costumed glitter and feathers. Before long, they made their way inside.

"Eddie! Ova' here!" the group recognized the blonde friends voice, making their way towards the front row.

 _ **"Why are we here, girl?"**_

"Sunshines' gonna give us a show tonight!" just as they took their seats, the lights in the theatre dimmed. "OOOH! It's starting!" The men didn't have time for questions before music started and a women with red frizzy hair in a maid dress came out singing. A very familiar women.

"Is that..?" Hatter looked shocked, seeing his Alice with red hair, sinning onstage with a number of people in various revealing outfits.

 _ **"What is this?!"**_ The scarecrow demanded Ivy. Mother Nature smirked, held a finger to her lips and replied.

"Rocky Horror Picture Show."

* * *

.

.

Did any of you see that coming? Any suggestions?


	15. Chapter 15

Alexandria loved to cook. She had to if she ran a restaurant, but one holiday made her scoff and take a break. Thanksgiving. Turkey, potatoes, casseroles, stuffing from a box. It made the gourmet in her shudder. So Alexandria had a rule. No Thanksgiving cooking. It was a tradition to just order some takeout, and watch football while getting drunk.

But that was before Alexandria made friends...

* * *

"Whadya mean ya not cookin'?!" The perky smiling blonde all but shouted at the grimacing blonde. The chef sighed as she placed the grilled cheese on a plate for her...friend.

"Just what I said. I don't do Thanksgiving. I don't cook."

"But isn't Thanksgivin' a chefs dream?" Harley began nibbling on a corner o the sandwhich. Alex began cleaning off her skillet in her apartments sink.

"I guess for other people, but since I've got no family, and I got sick of all the same dishes growing up, I kinda pretend it doesn't exist." Harley swallowed before looking around the apartment with a critical eye.

"So no turkey, gravy, or stuffin'?" the chef shook her head.

"What about... chili?"

"Chili is good anytime of the year."

"French Fries?"

"Potatoes are the gods gift to man."

"Salsa?" Alexandria looked up from her cleaning.

"What are you up to?" Harley grinned widely before walking to her apartment window.

"Whyyyyy, nothin' at all, Sunshine!" Harley slipped her hat/mask back on before waving. "I'll see you Friday!" And with that Harley Quinn left a puzzled chef standing in her kitchen. As the Villianesse flipped her way through the city... she began plotting her next scheme.

* * *

It was an odd sight at the Joker estate. A rag tag group of Villains standing in a dirty, ill prepared kitchen. All of which wore stained aprons, and comically large chefs hats.

"Alright! Sunshine don't cook on Thanksgivin', and I think it's high time we pay her back!" Harley pointed a butcher knife at the rouges.

"Don't we pay her with money and her life?" Crane asked, shoulders squared at the ridiculousness of the plan. Harley pouted at her fellow Doctor.

"She's done so much for us, lets give her a feast!" Jervis giggled.

"I know a recipe of orange scones I know she'll love!" Harley smiled wide.

"Tha's the spirit! Hattie you do desserts with Marcus! Birdie you do veggie sides! Don' give me that look Pam, you can do the eggs. Eddie you-" Riddler held up his hand.

"I'll be making risotto." Riddler said with such conviction it caused the other rouges to snicker.

"What about me, Harls?" Joker had been kneeling next to the stove, his Batman apron covered in blood and bullet holes. Harley smiled wider if possible.

"We're gonna handle the main dish!"

* * *

Alexandria rolled her eyes at antics of two goons in her lobby. They we're tossing peas into the air and trying to catch them in their mouth. The holiday spirit in Gotham seem to actually be cutting through the gloomy, rainy fog that covered the city all year. That was one of the only saving graces to this city. After ten months of fear and crime, at least everyone calms down for the two remaining months. That didn't mean it all went away, but murder and rape seemed to lessen (even if petty theft skyrocketed around Christmas.)

Marcus had called out sick today, but Kyle and Gary we're still working hard covering his absence, but most of the customers were regulars, and they didn't mind the slightly longer wait. Alex was delivering a chicken sandwich to one of Falcone's thugs, knocking a pea with the back of her hand causing a rowdy hoot of laughter to ring out from the table.

"Don't play with your food, Tazer." Tazer grumbled good naturely before stabbing his food with a fork.

"Yes, Momma Chef." That was her new nickname among the seedier underbelly of Gotham. With her penchant to scold anyone misbehaving in her diner, one of Riddlers goons jokingly called her mom when she made him clean up a spilled soup, Gary frantically corrected him, saying to call Alexandria Chef. Of course that evolved into 'Momma Chef.' Alexandria didn't actually mind the nickname, but reputation dictated that she fight back against it.

"That's Master Chef, I know you flunked out English, but it's not hard." More voracious laughter filled the diner, as they all heckled and jeered Tazer, who gave it right back. The Laughter died down as the door bell rang out, announcing a new arrival. As Alexandria placed the sandwich down infront of a small time gang member she looked over to her front door. Standing awkwardly in the Door way was an older man in a classical black and white trim suit successfully ignoring the curious glares, while a little black hair heathen glared angrily back, sizing all the people up. But when his eyes met the surprised gaze of the chef they softened softly.

"Lady Alexandria." His curt greeting seemed to break the spell over her patrons. A snort came from one of the rowdy bunch.

"Pfft, she ain't no lady!" Alexandria smacked the back of Gerald head as she walked by.

"I can't help it your more of a lady than me." More teasing hoots rang out.

"What's up, Smokebomb?" Damien quirked a brow.

"Smokebomb?" Alexandria smirked.

"I can't exactly call you thief, now can I?" The older man glanced over to the chef before giving a meaningful look to the young boy. The boy smirked.

"No you cannot."

"I'm assuming this isn't a social visit."

"I would like to procure more baklava for tomorrow festivities." Alexandria cocked her hip to the side, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry, but I don't cook Thanksgiving." The chatter in the diner stopped almost instantaneously.

"Whaddya mean you ain't cookin' Thanksgivin'?" Tazer called out in what seemed horror. Alexandria turned to him.

"Just what I mean, I don't do Thanksgiving." A chorus of no's rang out.

"But what are we gonna eat?!"

"Same thing I do, take out."

"Now Lady Alexandria, I am sure you can take time to make a Thanksgiving luncheon." Alexandria whirled around to the little heathen, as cheers of agreement called out. Damien smirked as the hollers grew in volume, a chorus of _'LUNCH, LUNCH, LUNCH!'_ rang in her ears. All attempts to quell the crowd failed. Alexandria turned her glare at the little black hair devil. Stepping forward, she grabbed his collar, causing the elder man to raise an eyebrow as the young boy merely followed along without protest. Alexandria led the two into her kitchen, Gary and Kyle looking quizzically at the odd pair, but wisely going back to work.

"You little SHIT! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

"Ensured my obtainal of your baklava."

"I don't have anything in stock for Thanksgiving, I planned to be closed tomorrow!"

"Well I am sure you will be able to cook something palatable for your customers." Alexandria rubbed her face in frustration.

"That's not the point. I HATE making Thanksgiving food. I don't get my delivery until Friday morning! And now my diner is full of people about to riot for turkey!" the Chef leaned banged her head on the wall, "All because your sneaky ass wanted baklava."

"I'm sure Master Damien meant no harm." a British voice chimed in, giving a significant look at his charge.

"I knew you weren't poor." Alexandria glared at Damien, who merely shrugged. "He knew exactly what he was doing."

"I will ask father to procure all that you need for tomorrow, food and assistance. All I ask in return is three trays of baklava."

"Father?" Alexandria looked to thew older British man.

"Master Wayne." Alexandria face paled considerably.

"Oh gods..." Alexandria looked at Damien, and with this new information looked at Damien in a new light. "Oh gods I hurt a Wayne. I'm dead. So dead!"  
Alexandria banged her head harder on the wall.

"Father would commend you for your punishment for me. He would also be willing to repay you for the trouble I caused." With that Alexandria stopping her self infliction of pain. A plan forming.

"REeeeallly?" the scary grin caused Damien to flinch unnoticeable.

* * *

"Must I really do this?" Damien arrived at four in the morning along with Alfred, as Alexandria directed the inflow of produce and meat to their respectful places. Damien was now eyeing several large turkeys in distaste, as he wiggled his gloved fingers.

"Oh yeah, you want baklava, you gotta earn it. No buying your way out." Alfred smiled to himself, silently washing greenery as he listened in.

"Last time I did your plateware."

"Last time I wasn't feeding an army. No reach in and place all the nasties in that pot, so I can make the tasties." Alexandria said in a mock baby tone, much the the boys disgust. Marcus seemed to have gotten over his sickness remarkably well, and was instructing a small group of bakers on different cookie recipes. Alfred was prepping with two others, while the Chef had Damien and another 'volunteer' on the meats.

"This is degrading."

"This is business, Smokebomb." For the next few hours, the kitchen was a hellish flurry of barked orders and delicious heat. Marcus and Alfred were a godsend to Alexandria, the latter seeming to know exactly what the Chef needed. While Damien complained, he never shirked his duties, diving in with vigor. By the time the doors opened to the diner at ten, the line of thugs was immense, and so was the weary of the kitchen crew. Duties did not stop there whoever, the volunteers worked endlessly to keep up with the massive influx of plates and cups, Damien seeming to actually prefer dishes to fowl innards.

Alfred was impressed by his young Masters progress. While still cold and calculated, he seemed to at least respect the chef, allowing himself to be bossed around the kitchen. He had a sneaking suspicion the chef left more of a positive impression then a bad one, if the 'hurt the Wayne' remark was to go off of. By 3oclock, the diner finally hailed off its last customer, the last dish washed at 3:30 was washed. Alfred was even more impressed when the Chef gruffly sent the volunteers off with the leftovers and uncooked food, saying she didn't want to see another turkey.

"Get that shit to some homeless shelter, I can't stand another damnedable bird." Alfred hung back with Damien as they watched The Chef speak with her three employees.

"Well... You once again surprised me with your work. Kyle thanks for not breaking anything, Gary good work on the cash flow. Marcus quit using all my flour." Marcus chuckled as he knocked shoulders with the chef. "Go the fuck home. Don't bother me until Saturday." A chorus of 'Yes Chef!' rang out as they filed out, Gary closing the blinds signifying to the world that the Diner was closed. Alexandria heaved a sigh leaning against the counter.

"Well that was enlightening." Alexandria jumped at Damiens voice, leveling an acidic glare.

"I thought ya'll left."

"You still must make baklava." At the the Chef grinned slyly.

"Oh dear, it seems I don't have any of the ingredients. Guess you're not getting any today." Damien tensed, upset at the development. Alfred cleared his throat.

"We have a fully stocked kitchen at Wayne Manor. I'm sure you will find our kitchen fully substantial." Alfred smile as Alexandria tensed and Damien grinned slyly. The Chef hung her head, a long long breathy _'Fuuuuuuuuck'_ resounding around her. Damien walked forward and held the kitchen door open.

"This _IS_ business."

* * *

Bruce Wayne had seen many things in his years. The best and worst of humanity. When it came to his son, Damien always seemed to bring something new to the table. This whoever he did not expect to see. A veritable standoff in the kitchen between a familiar blonde woman, and his son, with Alfred smiling to himself as he stirred a steaming pot.

"Look, Smokebomb, adding anymore allspice will throw off the whole cinnamon flavour!" A large bowl was pulled closer to the woman.

"Lady Alexandria, allspice will only enhance the pistachio flavour!" the bowl slid closer to Damien.

"Dammit, Kid, I already agreed to more walnuts, don't fuck with my spice ratio!" Alexandria tried pulling the bowl, but Damien held on strong. "Damn Kid, you fuckin' lift?"

"I am not a child, and yes, I do." Damien puffed his chest as he sneakily tossed Allspice into the bowl.

"Fuck!" The chef reached her hand into the bowl, but Damien had already stuck a wooden spoon in, stirring the nut mixture, causing the Blonde to growl out.

"What is going on here?" Alfred looked up smiling, Damien stopped his stirring looking at his father with a blank look, while Alexandria paled at the sight of the Elder Wayne.

"My friend and I are making baklava." Alexandria swung her head in surprise at the friend statement, while Bruce's eyes widened. both of which echoing,

 _"Friend?"_

"Yes, she is the one we assisted today." Bruce looked at the Blonde, who seemed to pale even more.

"Friend?! Fuck Smokebomb, you tried to steal from me!"

"You will not let that go will you, even though I proved to you I did not steal anything." The pale complexion reddened slightly.

"Hey! You were up to something sneaky!"

"You have no way of proving that, Lady Alexandria."

"Dammit, it's Chef!"

"Of course, Lady Chef. Shall we prepare the phillo dough?" Alexandria pinched the bridge of her nose, leaving a dusting of spices behind.

"Yeah, whatever Smokebomb. Ten, seven, seven, six, ten." As the duo walked to the refrigerator, Bruce walked up to Alfred.

"He knows she's a suspect."

"I don't believe he cares, Master Wayne." Bruce's eyebrows cocked slightly, watching as the two argued over the correct amount of phillo dough. Bruce would leave them be, Batman would be a little more vigillant.

* * *

Alexandria exited the limo awkwardly, wanting to get back to her dirty apartment after the too clean mansion. Alexandria placed the key into her door, ready for leftover pizza and trashy T.V. walking inside, she spotted her rouges all sitting about. Harley perked up, leaping off the Jokers lap.

"Sunshine! I was afraid you'd been kidnapped or somethin'! I was gettin' ready to rumble!" Harley held her hands in a mock fisticuff.

"You're so very, very late, My Dear!" Jervis chimed in seated in Alexandria ratty armchair. Alexandria silently took in all that was before her. Collared greens, deviled eggs, risotto, tacos, curly fries, bacon, cookies shaped like foxes and much more layed out on every table and counter surface. Crane and Ivy seemed to be in a heated debate over a book, Riddler was playing with a rubix cube in the corner, Joker was poking his fingers in various foods giggling 'Mine, mine, mine!'

"What is this?" Alexandria asked, shocked as she shut the door blindly behind her.

"It's Thanksgivin' silly! We all pitched in when ya said you didn' like cookin today." Harley pulled her further into the apartment and pushed her into a seat. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked to the Blonde clown.

Harley grinned, seemingly waiting on nothing, just building anticipation.

"LETS EAT!"

* * *

Sorry its late! Its been a difficult time recently. Tomorrow will be the Christmas Chapter! I also have a request. Can anyone make fanart?


	16. Chapter 16

Sorry guys. Over the course of almost of the year, fiance left me, my car completely broke, I lost my job. Thankfully I have a new loving boyfriend helping out so damn much, but I just don't have it in me to write. Ive spent literally months trying to write. Nothing. Enjoy what I've got, I don't know when ill be updating. This seems to be the only story you guys like. And in all honesty I don't know why. I used this story as a way to get the juices flowing, before I worked on a more serious work. No one likes the other. Everyone seems to like the throw away. Maybe later I'll update. But not now.

s742


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